NYR2012

A NEW YEAR and with it a new drive to fulfill all your new years' resolutions and kick start a healthy lifestyle after the
christmas binge.  If only this drive lasted more than a few weeks. "Is this a challenge?" I hear you cry! [if I could magically hear responses to this post in a psycho big-brother esque way.] So, in the spirit of this new January-fuelled inspiration, I will [against the grain of the topic of all previous posts] list my NYRs [New Years Resolutions] with you all bearing witness in the hope that it will encourage me to actually see them through til 2o13.

ONE] Read Every Day: An obvious yet rarely continued choice here, something I actioned on the 2nd day of January
          [the only thing anyone did on 1st was stretch a few toes out of bed and doze off to 8Os films. If you did anything
           other than this your NYE probably involved TV re-runs and cocktail sausages].  Being a bit more specific than
           'read more' [which really means look at your bookshelf and decide which book you might start at some point], i've
           made this resolution easier to break but simultaneously easier to keep up! SNEAKY.
          NOTE: if you're going to use this one too, do not under any circumstances attempt it if:
                            a] reading to you comprises the last few pages of the Metro, or
                            b] you have a Jodie Marsh autobiography readily waiting to be opened on your beside table. No no no.

'Keeping it Real' The most ironic title EVER.

TWO] Write More: Yes, I have used 'more', but you can't force creativity and if you can, being 'Rebecca Black' doesn't
           count!  In all seriousness, I think it's important to push yourself, even if you've gone through what seems like a 365
           day creative block.  This one for me is going to include Songs and  blog posts [which I started about this time last
           year and was really enthusiastic about- for a few months].  Don't think you can get out of this one either! It can
           apply to any form of creativity, anything that you create out of nothing [doodles included, although lets be honest, if
           that's all you can come up with you probably need some other NYRs along the lines of 'FIND NEW JOB' or 'STOP
           READING JODIE MARSH's AUTOBOPGRAPHY'].

If you doodle like THIS though, I'll let you off.

THREE] Make More Effort with my Appearance: Whereas I don't think I dress particularly scruffy or, on the contrary,
               gaga-like [If I dressed like her i'd be given a straight jacket not a record deal] I think my clothing and hair could
               do with some fine tuning. If I wake up and look like the love child of shrek and SuBo I'm going to spend time
               sorting it out before I unleash myself onto the world. If I can't be bothered to think of an outfit, I'm going to hide
               my 'easy option' jeans for a week -and so on. Whilst I'm realising that this is starting to make me sound as
               shallow as Rupert Murdoch's fan-mail sack, I think it's going to be a good one to get into the habit of keeping
               up.  You may also need to try this if:
                            a] You like to wear the colour orange, and/or
                            b] coincidentally, you look like Jodie Marsh does now, or a year ago. [I have no idea why she's taken
                                 over. NYR No. 4 Stop talking about Jodie Marsh]

About as popular as having to work on Christmas Day

I only managed to fulfil one NYR last year [the best one].
2o12 is going to better than 2o11 though, so that's fine.

Happy New Year Everyone
SK

PIZZONOMY

SINCE my last post I have most likely learnt a great deal; things which would have made me wiser and more knowledgeable.  I have however forgotten most of these, which leaves me only with my short-term memory to delve into. Thankfully, I have been up to a few things recently which have taught me bits and bobs worthy of a mention:

ONE] Never ever see Beirut at a venue that can hold more than a handful of people, an armchair and a naughty dog.
           Being really quite excited about this gig, I walked into the completely packed-out Brixton Academy to be greeted
           by a band of which the woman sounds uncannily like a man [off-set by the pink shoulder feather boa], the
           saxophones play dischordant melodies most of the way through and the entire group jump up and down at the
           same time for some sort of 'effect' that's not supposed to bare any resemblance to Blink182 but does.
           Having told myself that any band is worth enduring if only to be followed by Beirut, imagine my disappointment
           when the set begins, with songs including The Prostitute from Marseille,but the life appears to have been sapped
           out of almost every note.  In an effort to be 'big' and fill the entire venue with sound, whilst the music itself can not
           be faulted and every note sung appeared pitch perfect, the ambience and total feel of the set seemed dampened
           and not half as powerful as the recordings suggest, with the miriad instruments which make this band so exciting
           disappearing into a block of sound.  I put this down to the sheer size of the venue which, through no real fault of the
           band, seemed to swallow the majority of the set.
           Odd moments of light came with ukulele favourites such as Postcards from Italy and Sunday Smile which,
           stripped down to their minimum for parts of the songs, created full Beirut-effect.  Personal preference leads me to
           say that a band such as Beirut, with sounds from instruments you'd only normally see in an orchestral
           performance, should be heard in a much smaller venue with church-like and hallway accoustics.  Beirut continue
           on their tour by heading to America on 21st September to play New York.

TWO] Pizza has healing qualities:
           Now don't quote me on this, i'm no doctor, but I can vouch for the miracle-working properties of this doughy,
           tomato and cheese delight.  Friday night saw me leaving Brixton almost in despair, really quite saddened at the
           force by which my excitement and anticipation for Beirut was shot down in one fatal blow of a french horn.
           This was rectified by eating the biggest hot vegetarian pizza I think I've ever seen, accompanied by the obligatory
           Nachos and Potato Wedges.
           Needless to say, during and after this pizza I:
                               a] had forgotten about the disappointing gig
                               b] had forgotten how to eat like anything other than an animal
                               c] had forgotten that my eyes are bigger than my belly.

Pizza Box is actual size.  No Size largening programmes have been used in the taking of this photograph.

I MUST NOW INTERRUPT AND SAY THAT THIS BLOG POST REMAINED UN-FINISHED 'TIL TODAY [THURSDAY 29th SEPTEMBER] AND WILL NOW BE CONTINUED

     Since this post I have managed to exceed even my own expectations by devouring not one-not two-but three pizzas in
     the space of an unsuspecting weekend. [two of which were on the same day].
     It now pains me to inform you that I have officially put myself off pizza for the forseable future, for the fact that my toes
     have probably turned into cheesy-bites, and my vains are probably running with with tomato and BBQ sauce...
     If anything this is a warning boys and girls - too much of a good thing [albeit camoflaged in deceptively alluring
     jalapenos and mozzarella] is definitely, undeniably, a bad thing.


THREE] My band H E A R T S played with Metronomy and Clock Opera on Tuesday 27th September.
               Needless to say I was shocked when we were asked, shocked whilst we were playing and shocked now, in
               reflection.
               I learnt that almost no musical challenge is too big [a soundcheck over the dj and whilst people are walking in
               to the venue is about as ideal as a sewage works in your back garden], and that crowds in Birmingham are
               really pretty great.

Secretly watching Family Guy mid-set on the hidden screen inside this synth. Naughty Metronomy.

PLUG    Next London  gig is at the Vic [near Bow I think, I should probably check..] on FRIDAY 14th OCTOBER  PLUG
PLUG    Next Birmingham gig is at the Rainbow w/ Man Like Me on FRIDAY 28th OCTOBER.                               PLUG

Also I was photographed by these lovely people whilst on Holiday a few weeks back: http://21arrondissement.com/
It's a fashion blog for all you Anna Wintours out there.

Here's to the best six months ever
x

SECRET FALAFEL HEAVEN

AFTER having spent the best part of a week [literally and metaphorically] in a field somewhere in the Cambridgeshire area, suffice to say that a fair few things were learnt [and lost] at the not-so-secret Secret Garden Party.

ONE] I'm ageing before my time/everyone else has been told something I haven't.
           What I mean by this is that I was exceptionally surprised at how dark the atmosphere was in comparison to last
           year's frivolities.  Rather than papiermaché penguins and walking ice cream beings, the fields were littered with
           canesters and people lying on the walkways, not moving or breathing.  Far from an exaggeration [and there are
           plenty of witnesses, albeit ones dressed as snow-white-dwarf-nuns], this was a reality, one which seemed to
           be worse than at any other festival myself or my friends had been to, which can only mean one of three things:
                               a] I'm turning into a full-blown stubborn old lady, complete with grey hair and a love for herbal tea. [fact
                                   and fact]
                               b] Everyone apart from me has been told that the world's going to end at the end of this week, so
                                   "numbness" and "stupor" should become our two new favourite words.
                               c] People are actually insane. [Looking around me at SGP I am inclined to sway towards this one]
           I may be wrong here, but i've always believed that the fun has 1oo% stopped once the person has stopped
           moving and breathing.  NOTE: This is merely an observation and not a dig at anyone who spent the entire
           weekend blissfully unconscious.

Here's a relatively sane-looking man supporting my band H E A R T S in the crowd for Blondie.

Here are the bones of a dinosaur in the crowd for Blondie.

TWO] I love falafel.
           I mean, a lot. Whilst this might not come as a mind-blowing revelation, I have to say that this statement manifested
           itself in the form of an addiction at SGP. It wouldn't be a lie to say that I spent a lot of my time on the right-hand
           side of the foody field, thinking about the right hand side of the foody field, and walking to the right hand-side of
           the foody field [where the temple of Falafel was]. This would only have been OK if:
                            a] I hadn't paid nearly £2oo to go to a music festival, to see bands and things,  and
                            b] It's normal to eat the same thing for four days nearly twice a day.
           Ask me anything about this festival and i'll be able to tell you that the Falafel was good.

See that boy on the left? This is literally what my face looked like every day.

THREE] SLOW CLUB are really rather good.  Being one of the four bands that I saw last weekend [a pitiful attempt at
               broadening my musical horizons] they really managed to sweep me into the festival mood [whatever that
               really is] and kept my attention and intrigue for the entire set.  Great use of male/female vocal harmonies
               [my pet love band-wise at the moment] and a girl drummer at the front of the stage who could actually play the
               drums whilst singing  incredibly well, not the standard obligatory, pointless girl-at-the-front with the meg-white
              esque snare.  One last surprising thing about this band is the fact that they sound noticeably better live as
              opposed to recorded, and by that I mean less twee, with the vocals really standing out powerfully.  I'd
              reccommend cathing them live if you have the opportunity, so I've sought out their forthcoming dates which you
              can find HERE .

Narcolepsy at its most musical.

So there we are.
Another week, another band, another thing learnt and some wellies lost.
Smashing.
x

SWEET CAMPS OF FIRE!

WELL, it's almost been a very long time since I last learnt something of interest, but I've finally been enlightened yet again, giving me  just about enough information to squeeze out a delightful pocket-sized post.
Without further ado I present to you the latest things I have learnt.

ONE] I haven't lost my sense of sniffing out new bands JUST yet.
           I've recently stumbled across a few bands [albeit with the help of SUP MAGAZINE'S BLOG ] which i feel have hit
           the proverbial summery spot right on the nose. These bands are:
                        a] Sweet Bulbs : From Brooklyn, this four-sometimes-five piece band sound a bit like Best Coast on a
                            particularly hazy Summer's day if they'd swallowed a distortion pedal in a semi-dream state.  Favourite
                            track at the moment is Fell In a Cave, a song that makes me want to don a fringed jacket, some
                            feathers and laze around at...oh..I don't know...COACHELLA.  [rather annoyingly the tickets do not
                           go on re-sale 'til January, stopping us from booking flights/accommodation til then which leaves it very
                           fine/increases the price by about a million pounds.  If anyone can help find a solution, please get in
                           contact.  There's a souvenir in it for you. Similarly if you want to go aswell, get in touch!]

I can't stop looking at the black square on the wall. Slightly distracting.

                       b] Summer Camp : Whilst not being a particularly new musical discovery, this band are definitely one to
                           get stuck into this summer.  Having played early on at Wireless Festival a few weeks back before
                           bands such as Metronomy and the mighty Pulp, this rather good looking duo are simultaneously cool
                           as cucumbers that have been in the fridge for a few days, and have clearly thought about ways to keep
                           their songs interesting, namely with defining tempo changes and plucked up vocal harmonies.
                          Favourite tracks at the moment are most definitely Round the Moon displaying the best of their features
                         with added shoulder pads, and I Want You which suddenly turns into an Ibiza banger half way through.

I looked at three pictures of this band and in every single one the guy is touching his ear. No joke.

TWO] Time maximisation is Key.

           Next time you want to stop wasting time, try doing two things at once:

                   a] Nutrition: eating bonbons and typing up reports.  It is not OK to do this if you

                                      don't have any concept of "That's far too much now.", or

                                      value the word 'concentration'.

                   b] Meetings: bringing someone you need/want to see on an (un)necessary train journey with you,

                   c] Education: watching Hollyokes whilst doing everything else.

Just in case you were wandering, contacts with writing on is not cool. Unlike Hollyoaks, which is coolest.

Secret Garden Party begins next Thursday, so look out for a multitude of things I have learnt (and probably left behind) in a field in Huntingdon.

Have a Wonderful Day.

HI!(ATUS)

AFTER what can only be described as the longest hiatus in this rather changeable dedication to writing, I am pleased to announce that I have, once again, learnt new things as of late!
A welcome breath of freshly rained on air, these knew nuggets of information are a result of a brief period of apathy being swiftly followed by serveral months that have lead to me to believe that:

ONE] This really is going to be the best summer yet.  After having predicted this just before the new year, I now
         see it beginning to take shape, mainly due to the fact that
                   a] I like planning surprises, and
                   b] I bought my Secret Garden Party ticket as soon as was humanly possible.  I get to see Blondie,
                   The Bees, C.W Stoneking, probably humpty dumpty [again] and a whole host of other delightfully
                   random and plain bizarre happenings.  If, like Germany's Food Standards Agency, you've been a bit
                   slow and out of the loop, you will have missed out on a chance to get a ticket as this has now
                   SOLD OUT. Don't worry though, I found you this t-shirt:

Hello happiest self-proclaimed noob i'll ever see.

                    

TWO] My music collection is really rather abysmal.  Everything I own appears to be from the years between my

         sixteenth and eighteenth birthdays.  Whilst I can't deny Fever To Tell is a great album, and Garfield

         [Adam Green] is as strange and nostalgic as Sweet Valley High [WHICH, I believe, they're making a new

         series for. I can only imagine that this will include less nineties hairstyles and more cleavage], it has been

         brought to my attention by my new music-guru that frankly, I'm the most musically un-cultured person

         since Gina G.  IF you suddenly have the urge to help me in my musical plight, please send me

         bands/songs/youtube links/essays on why I need to find my inner Motown twin and I'll be as happy as

         that boy on the Old El Paso adverts.

You may only be able to see his back, but ohhh how he is grinning.

THREE] The best things come to those who wait.

             Probably the oldest, cheddar cheesiest phrase in the Old Cheesy Phrasebook: A Beginner's Guide but

             whoever came up with this [and it lets be honest, it's probably a quote off TOWIE because that's

             practically gospel or somethin' yeah JEL] knew exactly what they were talking about.

             Here's to hoping that this summer brings:

                          a] anything REMOTELY exciting for my band HEARTS

                          b] dry weather for festivals, and

                          c] relocation

I'll probably learn something in Cyprus, but If I don't, you'll hear about that in about two weeks' time after my time with hot weather etc.

That's normally the face I pull after eating strawberry laces.

x

CRYSTAL FIGHTERS, HMV INSTITUTE, BIRMINGHAM, 23rd March '11

UNSURE as to whether there were sound problems or not, as I walk in to the middle of London based JOYOUS's set it seemed as though the band had confused the crowd with audio-challenged pensioners, resulting in ten decibel shouting which reached its peak [vocally] during a song starting at the wrong pitch and remaining so for the majority of the song. That being said, the the crowd seemed to be won over by their youthful passion and clear love for the stage.

I was therefore pleasantly surprised when London's own Get People kicked off with something that can only be described as what The Knife sexing up Hot Chip in Herculese and Love Affair's van would sound like, but with more smiles on account of the highly excitable guitarist.  Creating seriously contageous synth pop sprinkled with shakes from the best percussive instrument I think I've ever seen: a pineapple maracca, this outift are as tight as Kate Moss' leather trousers as well as being really rather good.  Stand Out Song of the night: Careless which you can listen to here HERE

Get People: Always on the hunt for Pineapples

At this point, and having only just realised that Get People were not in fact the headline act, on step Crystal Fighters, a bizarre visual feast of people who seemed to have been picked from an 'opposite band' convention.  True to their appearance, the set went from sounding like Jamie T at a Carnival in Brazil, moving to KOL, Britney Spears and back to England with a completely unpredicted dubstep interlude during Swallow, which was followed by the wildy popular homage to electro I Love London.  Needless to say I was confused when it began and remained confused until it ended; excusing that, the band clearly have pulling-power and succeed in getting pretty much everyone involved.  Special mention must go to the Humpty Dumpty-esque light that was seen to be flashing throughout on the right of the stage next to the semi-naked guitarist.

Humpty's a bit camera shy

All in all an eyeopener of a gig.
I'd see Get People again purely for the pineapple maracca, and i'd see Crystal Fighters just in case they bring back Michael Jackson from the dead.

www.myspace.com/crystalfighters

www.myspace.com/joyousb

www.myspace.com/getpeople

SECRET BOMBSHELL PARTY

GOODNESS.
It has been a long time.  I'm not quite sure whether this is down to me being ill for weeks on end, me not learning anything or me being lazy [the last two are not mutually exclusive]; suffice to say that I think it's about time to re-open my learning arms to the world and embrace the new air of intellectual activity/interest that seems to be circulating hand in hand with news of the Middle Eastern rebellions, Japan's earthquake disaster and the 'Summer'.

ONE]  It may surprise you to know, therefore, that the first thing on my list concerns Marilyn Monroe. Yes, it was
          only a few days ago that I discovered that this ultimate, perfectly formed blonde bombshell [a lady who had
          one shoe heel smaller than the other in order to accentuate her 'wiggle'] was married, if briefly, to none
          other than literary superstar [if you're taking English GCSE] Arthur Miller.  I'm not entirely sure why this
          shocked me, but it's probably down to the fact that i'd always imagined him looking like a cross between
          Pavarotti and Tony Shalhoub [the guy who plays Adrian Monk, the loveable OCD Detective. Thanks
          daytime TV + sick days.]It pleases me to know that Mr. Miller was in fact tall and slim, did not sport a
          goatee and wore pretty brilliant glasses.

"I'm sorry Marilyn YOU COMPLETE BABE can it wait? I'm posing."

TWO] I don't like coffee [coffee cakes make me want to cry a litle bit] and I don't like Martinis, but i've recently 
         learnt that I do like the adventurously named 'Espresso Martini'.  Although one of the campest drinks a man
         can be seen to be holding, I defy anyone to turn his nose up at this King of Cocktails.  Best Feature: This
        drink actually tastes how coffee smells and is topped off with three little coffee beans.
        It is not OK however to drink this if:
                         a] you're going to end the night in half an hour.  These things pack an insane energy punch; and
                         b] there are bowls of fruit lying around the incredibly poncy bar you've been taken to.The fruit will
                             end up in someone's face and you will wake up with a lime next to you. [a little more green
                             and a little smaller than you're used to]

Yeah they may look innocent, but the tongue gives it away.

THREE] Blondie is playing Secret Garden Party! I had a brilliant time at this festival last year [i would not be
             surprised if it was actually run by pixies] even though the main acts, it has to be said, were about as
             interesting as Mr Bean's big toe. [urghh feet]. So, having bought my ticket I can safely say that Debbie
            Harry's show [another blonde bombshell, if a little more wrinkly but less dead] is just another really good
            reason to get a ticket, which you can do HERE 

Here's a picture i took of some cannibals at last year's SGP.

I've quite a busy weekend in store.
Expect things to be learnt.

x