CELEBRITY MASTERCHEF

TODAY I have learnt that:

ONE] I absolutely do not understand the timings on Masterchef. I'm currently catching up on Celebrity
         Masterchef and just watched episode 14 i.e the Cambridge University one. I just can't get my head around
         two things:
                   a] How can it take Les Dennis 1hr 30 mins to make rice pudding whilst it takes the rest of the
                       contestants the same amount of time to make an entire main course? Did I MISS something?
                   b] How can John and Gregg both 'absolutely love' it and think it takes 1hr 30mins to make rice
                       pudding? If I went on there and did that, they'd practically batter me with verbal abuse. Granted, 
                       he did make a mojito, but it was in a SHOT glass, and it doesn't take over an hour to make.
          Perhaps Les Dennis is their love child; perhaps he is telepathically controlling them. Who knows? All I
          know is that it shouldn't take the same amount of time to make this:

as it did to make this:

That being said, Masterchef remains one of the only things I watch on television, and praise be to iPlayer which allows me to watch five episodes back-to-back [I could easily watch more but I need to do things, like eat and sleep]

love

STANLEY

whatstanleysays@gmail.com

WAIT A MINUTE MR TART MAN

DON'T you just find that when you're waiting for something time goes so s l o w l y? That or you make a chocolate tart:

This is what it looked like before it toppled over at the

beginning of an hour journey..

on the way to the tube station.

Waiting also makes you do a lot of other things like:

Trying on a gigantic flat-cap and completely pulling it off.

Or taking photos of flowers on your kitchen table.

Or trawling through hundreds of 'dresses' on ASOS

and wondering where the rest of the material

goes these days.

The first day of the week has come and gone as quickly, leaving me with hardly any time to learn anything; no change there then!

My great grandad was 88 years old yesterday. I hope I have

as much hair at his age!

Love

STANLEY

whatstanleysays@gmail.com

TWERK OFF

TODAY I have woken up with a weird shoulder; it's such a weird day. And what's more, we were just encouraged to make memes at work, for work. I wonder what's going to happen next? Maybe i'll be approached in the street by a SWAT team with a briefcase full of money. In keeping with today's theme, here are some really good and really bad memes I have come across:

Bad meme. Too much writing. Love CaharlieATCFactory though, so..

good meme.

Too much time.

Would it work if i just started writing

'eyebrows' at the end of every sentence? Eyebrows.

Bad grandma.

I like the Gordon Ramsay ones because

they're probably actual quotes.

What I have learnt from this exercise is that
memes are not funny. They're trying so hard

to be funny that they've pushed funny to Mars,

before we starting prodding around on it.

Also, Elite Daily have been busy today writing THIS amongst other things. Ever wondered what a Facebook conversation between the World leaders would look like? Then go no further. Prepare for your inner immaturity to take over and to laugh like a very weird person [today is just weird].

And finally, today I learnt:

                 a] what twerking is, thanks to Morgan Freeman

                 b] just how much I can't stand Miley Cyrus

http://kootation.com/m-l-y-cyr-s-miley-cyrus.html
What a wonderful example of why not to do drugs.

                  c] and that unfortunately, I actually quite like this song:

Questionable lyrics, 'What rhymes with hug me?'.

But still.

It's going to be 24oC tomorrow, which basically means warmer than today. WONDERFUL news.

love

STANLEY

whatstanleysays@gmail.com

FROOP FROGGY LUNE

I thought today had been a tough day before I re-read the news and remembered that I don't know the meaning of the word. But since the news this week has been irreversibly distressing [and my stuffy head has been placed right into perspective]:

ONE] Here's a list of some things that make me feel happy:

Disneyworld, Florida!

I've never been a Disney film megageek, but this place

seriously makes me happy.

Brian, the Confused.com robot.

Fake frogs of all shapes and sizes.

This one happens to be 

from Milton Keynes.

UNLIMITED PIZZA.

This one just happens to be a

Disney one covered in Jalapenos

Bank Holidays PLUS AN EXTRA DAY.

(I have Tuesday off too)

Next week will be great.

Stuart Fenton.

Any song by CHIC

Old photographs of my sister (left) and me (right)...

..and big fat squidgy chip shop chips.

OH MY GOD I want some.

TWO] Claude Denbussy would be 151 years old today: An amazing fact about the man who composed Clair de

          Lune, a piece that pretty much everyone in the world knows/want to play. In memory of this great

          composer, Google  have changed their search page accordingly:

The animation lasts the entire song and is definitely worth a look.

THREE] Franz Ferdinand's Evil Eye and Snoop Dogg's Who Am I? (What's My Name?) are the same song.

             Don't believe me?

Go to 0.30 seconds.

It's uncanny. Coincidentally, Franz + Snoop Doggy Dogg = Froop FROGGY FROG.

I have some Celebrity Masterchef catching up to do so expect some programme editing-related comments soon.

Love

STANLEY

whatstanleysays@gmail.com

BAND PROFILE: NATIVE PEOPLE

A few weeks ago I happened to walk into House of Wolf on Upper Street where there happened to be some bands getting ready for soundcheck. I decided to stay and found myself rather liking the first band on -  the soon-to-be-known Native People. Here's what Reuben the singer had to say:

Where are you natives of and how did you come about that name?
We are from Folkstone in the far corner of South East Kent by the sea and the sun (sometimes). The name: I was reading Anthony Kiedis' book Scar Tissue. There was a part where he mentioned 'Natives' so I took it on board for the band name and the rest of the guys liked it. Later we found out it was already being used so we decided to add the fact that we are people, and there we have that.

What are the three best things about your hometown?
The Leas Cliff Hall which is our main music venue, the beach and my living room where we rehearse.

I would describe your sound as a mish-mash of dancy rhythm bass and hazy synth, like summer haze...but without the rain. Plus you re-create dub-step drumming with real-life physical drumming, which takes some serious precision. How would you describe your music?
I think that's fair enough enough description, but i'll add that we wanted to create dance music that you could be lost in, played by a band instead of djs.

What have been your favourite Native People gigs?
So far it has been at a private party close to Ashford. There was an incredible crowd and we played last so everyone was really ready to dance! Another great gig was supporting The Pigeon Detectives at The Quarterhouse in Folkstone. It was a 450 ticketed venue but an extra 60 people got in so it was jammed. Both of these gigs were before Luke and Hudd joined the band though so we hope to have more favourite gigs soon.

What's your 'big band goal'?
Playing at Glastonbury (of course), playing with a huge samba band would be fantastic and a personal one for myself would be to play with Friendly Fires. That band have incredibly influenced myself and the direction of the band.

One gig you'd seriously advise everyone to go to this year?
Bonobo at the O2 Academy Brixton on 23rd November.

What's your favourite pizza?
This isn't an easy question for me to answer as i'm a veggie [so was I for two years!] so something with lots of salad on top, but for the rest of them, well I guess meat. 
Interesting. Most meat-eaters agree when I say that a hot vegetarian is absolutely, undeniably the best. We will review this decision in a few weeks.

The band will be recording later this year but you can catch them this Thursday 22nd August at House of Wolf, Upper Street.

https://www.facebook.com/NativePeople

JUST...NO.

THE rain is about to descend on us like a great, big, unwanted, slobbery kiss, but I have managed to learn that:

ONE] I don't like 'literal' songs: I have been known to write some in the past [what can I say? I liked sweets a
         LOT], and even now It sometimes happens, but there is one person who is so literal he sounds like he's
         just reading the news out at me whilst he also happens to be singing:

Frank Turner

Your endearing smile will not fool me.

Take, for example, his March single Recovery.

Does he even breathe?

      Apologies for the harshness of my words. Those in glass houses etc etc. it's just that every time I hear one

      of his songs my hair turns slightly more grey than it already is, and a girl needs to preserve her looks.

TWO] My tonsils are irritating: So irritating in fact that I have decided they absolutely must be cut out. So in spirit
         of this, here is a list of other irritating things:

The Crazy Frog ringtone.

So irritating.

The 'changing of the toilet roll'.

Just change it. Irritating.

The 'Facebook boaster'.

We all know one, unfortunately, and they're

irritating.

Rain in the summer.

When i'm wearing a summer dress with no umbrella

and don't look like that.

Stop it; it's just irritating.

The L.P.Es [LOUD POPCORN EATERS].

You know who you are.

JUST STOP. It's irritating.

In other non-irritating news, it is my boyfriend's birthday today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STUART FENTON

x

Lots of love, 

STANLEY

whatstanleysays@gmail.com

BRIAN!

IT'S the first day of the working week, and not many things succeed in raising my spirits on such a day other than...well...spirits. But today isn't very alcoholic and that is due to a very special little creature. I don't watch TV but I do watch videos on the Mail Online, most of which are preceded by a confused.com advert. In these adverts we are met with BRIAN, the most well mannered, kindest robot I have ever seen [i've seen about two]. 

Who is our dad inDEED, you little cutiepie.

And if you thought BRIAN was a one-trick pony, well you'd be wrong, because he's a robot; but also because:

BRIAN is an athlete.

WINNING!

As well as a dancer. Yes, we are thrilled in bits

too BRIAN.

And if this still isn't enough to quench your BRIAN thirst, you can go HERE and create your own BRIAN as well as win a BRIAN the robot fridge magnet. I don't think i've ever written the name BRIAN so many times in my life. Probably because I don't know anyone of that name.

Love

STANLEY

whatstanleysays@gmail.com