SECRET FALAFEL HEAVEN

AFTER having spent the best part of a week [literally and metaphorically] in a field somewhere in the Cambridgeshire area, suffice to say that a fair few things were learnt [and lost] at the not-so-secret Secret Garden Party.

ONE] I'm ageing before my time/everyone else has been told something I haven't.
           What I mean by this is that I was exceptionally surprised at how dark the atmosphere was in comparison to last
           year's frivolities.  Rather than papiermaché penguins and walking ice cream beings, the fields were littered with
           canesters and people lying on the walkways, not moving or breathing.  Far from an exaggeration [and there are
           plenty of witnesses, albeit ones dressed as snow-white-dwarf-nuns], this was a reality, one which seemed to
           be worse than at any other festival myself or my friends had been to, which can only mean one of three things:
                               a] I'm turning into a full-blown stubborn old lady, complete with grey hair and a love for herbal tea. [fact
                                   and fact]
                               b] Everyone apart from me has been told that the world's going to end at the end of this week, so
                                   "numbness" and "stupor" should become our two new favourite words.
                               c] People are actually insane. [Looking around me at SGP I am inclined to sway towards this one]
           I may be wrong here, but i've always believed that the fun has 1oo% stopped once the person has stopped
           moving and breathing.  NOTE: This is merely an observation and not a dig at anyone who spent the entire
           weekend blissfully unconscious.

Here's a relatively sane-looking man supporting my band H E A R T S in the crowd for Blondie.

Here are the bones of a dinosaur in the crowd for Blondie.

TWO] I love falafel.
           I mean, a lot. Whilst this might not come as a mind-blowing revelation, I have to say that this statement manifested
           itself in the form of an addiction at SGP. It wouldn't be a lie to say that I spent a lot of my time on the right-hand
           side of the foody field, thinking about the right hand side of the foody field, and walking to the right hand-side of
           the foody field [where the temple of Falafel was]. This would only have been OK if:
                            a] I hadn't paid nearly £2oo to go to a music festival, to see bands and things,  and
                            b] It's normal to eat the same thing for four days nearly twice a day.
           Ask me anything about this festival and i'll be able to tell you that the Falafel was good.

See that boy on the left? This is literally what my face looked like every day.

THREE] SLOW CLUB are really rather good.  Being one of the four bands that I saw last weekend [a pitiful attempt at
               broadening my musical horizons] they really managed to sweep me into the festival mood [whatever that
               really is] and kept my attention and intrigue for the entire set.  Great use of male/female vocal harmonies
               [my pet love band-wise at the moment] and a girl drummer at the front of the stage who could actually play the
               drums whilst singing  incredibly well, not the standard obligatory, pointless girl-at-the-front with the meg-white
              esque snare.  One last surprising thing about this band is the fact that they sound noticeably better live as
              opposed to recorded, and by that I mean less twee, with the vocals really standing out powerfully.  I'd
              reccommend cathing them live if you have the opportunity, so I've sought out their forthcoming dates which you
              can find HERE .

Narcolepsy at its most musical.

So there we are.
Another week, another band, another thing learnt and some wellies lost.
Smashing.
x

SWEET CAMPS OF FIRE!

WELL, it's almost been a very long time since I last learnt something of interest, but I've finally been enlightened yet again, giving me  just about enough information to squeeze out a delightful pocket-sized post.
Without further ado I present to you the latest things I have learnt.

ONE] I haven't lost my sense of sniffing out new bands JUST yet.
           I've recently stumbled across a few bands [albeit with the help of SUP MAGAZINE'S BLOG ] which i feel have hit
           the proverbial summery spot right on the nose. These bands are:
                        a] Sweet Bulbs : From Brooklyn, this four-sometimes-five piece band sound a bit like Best Coast on a
                            particularly hazy Summer's day if they'd swallowed a distortion pedal in a semi-dream state.  Favourite
                            track at the moment is Fell In a Cave, a song that makes me want to don a fringed jacket, some
                            feathers and laze around at...oh..I don't know...COACHELLA.  [rather annoyingly the tickets do not
                           go on re-sale 'til January, stopping us from booking flights/accommodation til then which leaves it very
                           fine/increases the price by about a million pounds.  If anyone can help find a solution, please get in
                           contact.  There's a souvenir in it for you. Similarly if you want to go aswell, get in touch!]

I can't stop looking at the black square on the wall. Slightly distracting.

                       b] Summer Camp : Whilst not being a particularly new musical discovery, this band are definitely one to
                           get stuck into this summer.  Having played early on at Wireless Festival a few weeks back before
                           bands such as Metronomy and the mighty Pulp, this rather good looking duo are simultaneously cool
                           as cucumbers that have been in the fridge for a few days, and have clearly thought about ways to keep
                           their songs interesting, namely with defining tempo changes and plucked up vocal harmonies.
                          Favourite tracks at the moment are most definitely Round the Moon displaying the best of their features
                         with added shoulder pads, and I Want You which suddenly turns into an Ibiza banger half way through.

I looked at three pictures of this band and in every single one the guy is touching his ear. No joke.

TWO] Time maximisation is Key.

           Next time you want to stop wasting time, try doing two things at once:

                   a] Nutrition: eating bonbons and typing up reports.  It is not OK to do this if you

                                      don't have any concept of "That's far too much now.", or

                                      value the word 'concentration'.

                   b] Meetings: bringing someone you need/want to see on an (un)necessary train journey with you,

                   c] Education: watching Hollyokes whilst doing everything else.

Just in case you were wandering, contacts with writing on is not cool. Unlike Hollyoaks, which is coolest.

Secret Garden Party begins next Thursday, so look out for a multitude of things I have learnt (and probably left behind) in a field in Huntingdon.

Have a Wonderful Day.

HI!(ATUS)

AFTER what can only be described as the longest hiatus in this rather changeable dedication to writing, I am pleased to announce that I have, once again, learnt new things as of late!
A welcome breath of freshly rained on air, these knew nuggets of information are a result of a brief period of apathy being swiftly followed by serveral months that have lead to me to believe that:

ONE] This really is going to be the best summer yet.  After having predicted this just before the new year, I now
         see it beginning to take shape, mainly due to the fact that
                   a] I like planning surprises, and
                   b] I bought my Secret Garden Party ticket as soon as was humanly possible.  I get to see Blondie,
                   The Bees, C.W Stoneking, probably humpty dumpty [again] and a whole host of other delightfully
                   random and plain bizarre happenings.  If, like Germany's Food Standards Agency, you've been a bit
                   slow and out of the loop, you will have missed out on a chance to get a ticket as this has now
                   SOLD OUT. Don't worry though, I found you this t-shirt:

Hello happiest self-proclaimed noob i'll ever see.

                    

TWO] My music collection is really rather abysmal.  Everything I own appears to be from the years between my

         sixteenth and eighteenth birthdays.  Whilst I can't deny Fever To Tell is a great album, and Garfield

         [Adam Green] is as strange and nostalgic as Sweet Valley High [WHICH, I believe, they're making a new

         series for. I can only imagine that this will include less nineties hairstyles and more cleavage], it has been

         brought to my attention by my new music-guru that frankly, I'm the most musically un-cultured person

         since Gina G.  IF you suddenly have the urge to help me in my musical plight, please send me

         bands/songs/youtube links/essays on why I need to find my inner Motown twin and I'll be as happy as

         that boy on the Old El Paso adverts.

You may only be able to see his back, but ohhh how he is grinning.

THREE] The best things come to those who wait.

             Probably the oldest, cheddar cheesiest phrase in the Old Cheesy Phrasebook: A Beginner's Guide but

             whoever came up with this [and it lets be honest, it's probably a quote off TOWIE because that's

             practically gospel or somethin' yeah JEL] knew exactly what they were talking about.

             Here's to hoping that this summer brings:

                          a] anything REMOTELY exciting for my band HEARTS

                          b] dry weather for festivals, and

                          c] relocation

I'll probably learn something in Cyprus, but If I don't, you'll hear about that in about two weeks' time after my time with hot weather etc.

That's normally the face I pull after eating strawberry laces.

x

CRYSTAL FIGHTERS, HMV INSTITUTE, BIRMINGHAM, 23rd March '11

UNSURE as to whether there were sound problems or not, as I walk in to the middle of London based JOYOUS's set it seemed as though the band had confused the crowd with audio-challenged pensioners, resulting in ten decibel shouting which reached its peak [vocally] during a song starting at the wrong pitch and remaining so for the majority of the song. That being said, the the crowd seemed to be won over by their youthful passion and clear love for the stage.

I was therefore pleasantly surprised when London's own Get People kicked off with something that can only be described as what The Knife sexing up Hot Chip in Herculese and Love Affair's van would sound like, but with more smiles on account of the highly excitable guitarist.  Creating seriously contageous synth pop sprinkled with shakes from the best percussive instrument I think I've ever seen: a pineapple maracca, this outift are as tight as Kate Moss' leather trousers as well as being really rather good.  Stand Out Song of the night: Careless which you can listen to here HERE

Get People: Always on the hunt for Pineapples

At this point, and having only just realised that Get People were not in fact the headline act, on step Crystal Fighters, a bizarre visual feast of people who seemed to have been picked from an 'opposite band' convention.  True to their appearance, the set went from sounding like Jamie T at a Carnival in Brazil, moving to KOL, Britney Spears and back to England with a completely unpredicted dubstep interlude during Swallow, which was followed by the wildy popular homage to electro I Love London.  Needless to say I was confused when it began and remained confused until it ended; excusing that, the band clearly have pulling-power and succeed in getting pretty much everyone involved.  Special mention must go to the Humpty Dumpty-esque light that was seen to be flashing throughout on the right of the stage next to the semi-naked guitarist.

Humpty's a bit camera shy

All in all an eyeopener of a gig.
I'd see Get People again purely for the pineapple maracca, and i'd see Crystal Fighters just in case they bring back Michael Jackson from the dead.

www.myspace.com/crystalfighters

www.myspace.com/joyousb

www.myspace.com/getpeople

SECRET BOMBSHELL PARTY

GOODNESS.
It has been a long time.  I'm not quite sure whether this is down to me being ill for weeks on end, me not learning anything or me being lazy [the last two are not mutually exclusive]; suffice to say that I think it's about time to re-open my learning arms to the world and embrace the new air of intellectual activity/interest that seems to be circulating hand in hand with news of the Middle Eastern rebellions, Japan's earthquake disaster and the 'Summer'.

ONE]  It may surprise you to know, therefore, that the first thing on my list concerns Marilyn Monroe. Yes, it was
          only a few days ago that I discovered that this ultimate, perfectly formed blonde bombshell [a lady who had
          one shoe heel smaller than the other in order to accentuate her 'wiggle'] was married, if briefly, to none
          other than literary superstar [if you're taking English GCSE] Arthur Miller.  I'm not entirely sure why this
          shocked me, but it's probably down to the fact that i'd always imagined him looking like a cross between
          Pavarotti and Tony Shalhoub [the guy who plays Adrian Monk, the loveable OCD Detective. Thanks
          daytime TV + sick days.]It pleases me to know that Mr. Miller was in fact tall and slim, did not sport a
          goatee and wore pretty brilliant glasses.

"I'm sorry Marilyn YOU COMPLETE BABE can it wait? I'm posing."

TWO] I don't like coffee [coffee cakes make me want to cry a litle bit] and I don't like Martinis, but i've recently 
         learnt that I do like the adventurously named 'Espresso Martini'.  Although one of the campest drinks a man
         can be seen to be holding, I defy anyone to turn his nose up at this King of Cocktails.  Best Feature: This
        drink actually tastes how coffee smells and is topped off with three little coffee beans.
        It is not OK however to drink this if:
                         a] you're going to end the night in half an hour.  These things pack an insane energy punch; and
                         b] there are bowls of fruit lying around the incredibly poncy bar you've been taken to.The fruit will
                             end up in someone's face and you will wake up with a lime next to you. [a little more green
                             and a little smaller than you're used to]

Yeah they may look innocent, but the tongue gives it away.

THREE] Blondie is playing Secret Garden Party! I had a brilliant time at this festival last year [i would not be
             surprised if it was actually run by pixies] even though the main acts, it has to be said, were about as
             interesting as Mr Bean's big toe. [urghh feet]. So, having bought my ticket I can safely say that Debbie
            Harry's show [another blonde bombshell, if a little more wrinkly but less dead] is just another really good
            reason to get a ticket, which you can do HERE 

Here's a picture i took of some cannibals at last year's SGP.

I've quite a busy weekend in store.
Expect things to be learnt.

x

SILVER TROPHY WITCHES

LAST night saw the Hare and Hounds packed once again for a night of musical delights brought to us by Birmingham Promoters in association with Metropolis, a trend which is swiftly seeing Birmingham's gig scene rising, on The Scale Of 1-OK, to really quite brilliant.
Finally we don't have to travel up to the Yorkshire Moors or down to the streets of Jack the Ripper to see a half decent band and this, my friends, is incredibly good news.

On to the bands and first up were Birmingham's own  (Silver) Souvenirs, a band clearly chosen due to their ability to captivate, relax, excite [and probably juggle] an audience simultaneously, a quality which is difficult to come by.  A synth-pop sundae with sprinkles of math rock [but with far better quality vocals], (Silver) Souvenirs make it very difficult for anyone, in what must have been a particularly daunting full room,  to resist dancing.

That's a lot of love from some lovely looking ladies right there.

Photo by Jade Sukiya : She's Hot and She can take damn good photos.

Next on were Oxford's TROPHY WIFE who were what can only be described as a very bizarre looking live act. This is not to say that the music wasn't of a high standard, more that their on-stage anctics were a bit of a distraction with the [passionate] drummer looking as though he'd created his own world in a stobe-lighting lit club in Ibiza and the synth player pounding his pedals in a leprechaun like manner.  Having said that, the singer's no-frills-but-deeply-sweet vocals and the contageous bass riffs and beats in the form of well-known White Horses and ever popular Microlite were enough to win the crowd over, with the end coming in the form of a soup'd up, dance cover of Joanna Newsom's Book Of Right On.

The chappies are all very lovely looking but I just really like looking at this photo.  Not staring, like a weirdo, just looking.

The final act of the night were Esben and the Witch , a deeply dark three piece hailing from sunny Brighton.  Although not much of a continuation from the other more 'lively' bands, EATW wear a welcome breath of air, albeit fresh in the loosest sense.  The hauntingly soft yet equally powerful vocals [which, i must add, sound much better live] marriaged with morose guitar punches and lighter synth sounds really create an atmosphere of uncertainty and excitement.  I've got to add though that whilst this was all very new and good [in Birmingham standards at least], the obligotary 'I'm a girl so I have to play bass drum in every song a bit like the ting tings but with more eyeliner' was something that did quite the opposite to setting them apart from the other girl/boy bands currently spending their lives on twitter. That being said, they are most definitely worth a listen, live if you can make it, with stand -out songs being Marching Song and Warpath.
Catch them today at London's XOYO and tomorrow in Brussels.

I couldn't actually see their faces at the gig because they'd all let their hair down back to front.

They're all lovely looking too.  No witches here. Jog on.

x

CYCLIN' SPESH

FOR some reason I feel inclined to say that I haven't really learnt anthing of importance within the last few weeks.
Why this is the case I have no idea, so I'm trawling through my memories like a starved scavenger in search of something to say so as not to leave this page all cold, bare and un-funny, like Harry Hill's head.

I'm sorry but I find him as funny as my feet. I don't laugh, I cringe.

Here we go anyway:

ONE] Twos-ing on a bicycle at half past four in the morning around London after a night of Espresso Martinis [I
         had to make myself fit in with the crowd somehow] is incredibly irresponsible.  I don't care though because:
                         a] It beat awkward conversation with a cab driver who doesn't agree with drinking.
                         b] I saw pretty much an entire city by night and discovered roundabouts I did not know existed.
                         c] it's pretty thrilling as several near-death experiences turn into jokes.
        Basically it was a lot of fun.
        It is not OK to do this however if:
                         a] neither of you know London [thankfully one of us did, just about]
                         b] you're not wearing ankle pads covered in bubble wrap.  I returned to my room with several
                            large greeny-blue bruises. Attractive!

This is actually what we looked like. Except I was only crying inside.

TWO] Being ill, having to stay at home and being faced with NO Man Vs Food [the only thing worth watching on
         TV] is a recipe for absolute disaster.  I have discovered that I can not stay still for more than five minutes,
         six at best.  This is annoying because:
                        a] at this point I don't really have the energy to move, but I'm trying really quite hard, dragging my
                            feet and pulling the sad face, a picture more pathetic than Bin Laden at a Human Rights
                            ralley.
                       b] once you've made it off the sofa you realise there is nothing you can do, so you make the epic
                           five minute journey back and fall asleep.
                       c] it makes me feel like a HOBO.

To be honest I think he is just attention seeking. Look at that goatee.

THREE] I have friends cooler than Anne Robinson in the Arctic eating ice cream.  This sparkly gem was
             produced by TANTRUMS and friends in what can only be described as a moment of genius. Fans of Junior Spesh and lovers of the famous fast-food outlets in Birmingham must hear this.
CHICKEN SPESH

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

They do other serious songs too. Really good like.

Enjoy.
I can't really say more than that.

x