OH BREADDY HELL

ALTHOUGH my weekend began on Thursday of last week, I barely learnt anything for the entire four days of freedom I managed to acquire [little bit shocking] due to the fact that I was recording/rehearsing new songs down in Croydon, land of the Black Sheep.

The 'Black Sheep' Baaaaaaaaa-r. Wow, that was lame.

I did however stumble across [eat my way into]  a new discovery.

ONE] Tired of drowning in endless cans of monsters, bulls and sharks? [the aptly named trio of drinks able

         to bring out the ferocious animal-esque side in your  nan.  I'm obviously joking.]  Do not fear!

I wish all cans of red bull did that.

         Saturday night [when I say night, I mean six o'clock] saw me willing my eyes to prop themselves
         open after a mind-numbingly long journey from Croydon->High Barnet->Birmingham.

         Obviously I decided I was hungry for the tenth time that day and decided to attack the ridiculously large

         basket practically full to the brim with bread.  Warning: It is not OK to do this:
              a] if you're in a room full of people, most of whom you don't know

              b] unless you're near a treadmil, OR

              c] unless you're Paris Hilton and therefore can't differentiate between the times you're an

                  embarassment and the other 1% where you're relatively normal.

       Rather than having the desired effect of merely satisfying my hunger pangs [which I probably made up],
       it  actually made me insanely hyper.  Bread made me hyper.  If I wasn't ridiculous before, I most definitely
       am now.  What had happened was the sheer quantity of carbohydrates I had consumed in under a minute
       was far too much for me to handle and the energy took over like you wouldn't believe.

Don't be fooled by the innocent doughy exterior.

      I couldn't stop laughing for at least ten minutes; proper laughing, not any of that fake 'this really isn't funny but
      I need to look like i'm paying attention' laughing; the kind where you can't breathe and your stomach cramps
      make you want to swear very very loudly.  To make matters worse, I threw in the most un-funny joke i've ever
      told which went something like, ''I've eaten so much bread i'm going to start rising'', consequently turning the
      laughter [and the pain] up a notch.

Til this day I am still unsure as to what actually happened that night I stayed in with a bread basket.
Just remember. Everything in moderation.

x