ADD A SALAD

TODAY is Thursday, the day of blogs and, seemingly, the day of good ideas. Is there a correlation? I have no idea, but lets hope today's optimism carries on into tomorrow. On that note:

ONE] Salad is difficult to eat: Whilst it seems this has taken me a lifetime to figure out, the phrase 'better late
         than never' comes to mind. This is proving a particularly difficult problem to tackle since I would say salad
         comprises 50% of my diet, with bread taking up the remaining 50&.This means that poor Linda at work has
         to deal with me attempting to eat every lunchtime in a way that can only parrallel that of a three-month old
         baby. I realise that salad at first thought may not seem as difficult to eat as the throat-chokers that are
         spaghetti or melted cheese, but really, have you ever tried eating kale with a blob of tomato and some
         edamame beans balancing on the tip of your fork? I nearly always:
                a] miss my mouth, 
                b] end up with a green keyboard, or
                c] completely not miss my mouth, which doesn't open in time.
       Please don't stop this from inviting me out to dinner. I swear I have perfect table-etiquette, just so long as
       I don't order a salad of any sorts. Interestingly, I was once told that the Queen never eats spaghetti or salad
       in public for the same reasons and, frankly, no one is judging her so...

The 'Spalad'. A concoction deadlier than..something really deadly.

TWO] Singing at work can make you famous: This story begins with a lady from Birmingham [good genes]

          singing whilst working on her concession at Debenhams. A music industry person [responsible for

          making the likes of Take That famous] happened to be walking by at this exact moment and BOOM,
          he changed her life forever by offering her a recording contract and a first class ticket out of Debenhams.

          Do things like this really happen? I lived in Birmingham for thirteen years [I think] and no one remotely
          important in the music industry passed by, let alone in Debenhams! I suppose what I am trying to say is

          that every day could be the day that your life changes. If you walk out of your house in the morning with

          this in mind your day will almost certainly be better than it was the day before. Miraculous things won't
          happen i.e if this lady was a horrendous singer she most likely wouldn't have caught that gentleman's
          attention, just like on my walk home in half an hour a Aston Villa football scout isn't going to come up to

          me and profess that I am the best striker he has ever seen [although in their current state it's probably not

          that unbelievable]. Keep realistic ladies and gentlemen, but don't banish any thoughts of greatness from
          your minds either.

I couldn't have put it better myself.

THREE] LinkedIn is the new 'facebook': I realised this on Saturday, whilst my friend and I were queuing to get into
             a ridiculously packed venue to watch a band play. Needless to say we didn't get in and the cold did, but 

             we both learnt something during our hour's [an entire hour] wait in frankly arctic conditions. After being
             accosted [bombarded with words] by a rather merry gentlemen in front of us, we were finally relieved of
             an unbelievably awkward conversation when we decided to leave, but not before the phrase "Add me on

             LinkedIn" was thrown in our direction, accompanied by two pristine business cards. Do people seriously
             do this? Is facebook a dead duck stuck in workplace social media hell? Perhaps this isn't news to you, 

             but it certainly was to my friend and I [please don't spam my LinkedIn account] as we revelled in the
             aftermath of hysterical disbelief and the thought of a warm bar. Unsurprising neither of us 'added' this
             young man, with the business cards finding new homes [sadly] in the bottom of our bins. Rather than an
             act of disdain, this was more to save ourselves from stalking the poor fellow and laughing ourselves
             silly. Regardless of whether this was funnier after a few rum and cokes, let this be a lesson to all you
             social media friend seekers. The words 'add me' should never be used in a conversation with the

             opposite sex unless you are under the age of 10, in which case you are too young to be 'poking' people

             on facebook anyway.

YES YOU DO.

I will leave you with a video that made me laugh a lot today.

Don't forget to enjoy your weekend and say hi to your mom.

STANLEY

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