SCATTER STANLEY

Why i've decided to tell you about my disasterous day in the form of a limerick i'm still trying to fathom, but really, if i don't laugh, i'll cry!
So here's my homage to POLLY BEAN

ONE, When sending e-mails

you really really must

make sure you've read through EVERYTHING

and don't just trust your gut.

"Oh please sir won't you hire me

I promise i'll be great!"

Just try and ignore

(you absolute clown)

my glaring big MISTAKE.

I definitely pulled this face

TWO, When sending e-mails

and after this mistake,

make sure you've not just sent this out

to practically an entire estate.

It's really not the way to go

to get your one dream job.

More likely now

you'll sit around

and become a JK* Slob!

I can't believe this was the best caption Google had.

So after all this learning

I think suffice to say

I will not make

this same mistake

until my dying day.

I may send ridiculous e-mails

and deem myself a scatter,

But really when it comes to it, it DOESN'T EVEN MATTER.

*(Jeremy Kyle, obviously)

INVISIBLE MADEMOISELLE

BACK to the point we go, and in keeping with the theme of this blog I'm going to relay to you a few snippets of information that I have learnt this week. 

ONE] The Mind controls the Body (and not the other way round) - Is this another obscure Coldplay Album Title? It most
           certainly is not; rather the most important thing I've ever written down [with exception obviously;  "i<3 chips" =
            important] .  Whilst most of us hear this in passing, making a slight nod of acknowledgement in reply,
           these words have the power to revolutionize our lives [or so Google tells me].  I'm not suggesting we all become
           monks and make appearences on reality TV shows because we can dry wet towels on cue with the heat we
           have summoned through meditation [this is absoutely possible and has happened- apparently], rather that we
           all [and by that I clearly mean me] think about what we could really do if we took some notice of the potential of
           our minds.  My research into this topic led me to something fashioned by Napoleon Hill called The Invisible
          Counselor Technique [full details of which are found in his first-of-a-kind self-help book Think and Grow Rich
          (1953)]. This technique basically allows your mind to leave the boundries of your own life and review your 'situation'
          [whether you be a complulsive doughnut eater or a gymnast afraid of lycra] through the eyes and thoughts of other
          people who have characteristics you admire and would like to steal [ultimately]. 
          Do not however attempt this if you:

                    a] think you might be the slightest bit mentally unstable [Someone walking in to your room whilst you're
                          discussing  anger management issues with Ghandi would be sufficient ammunition] and/or
                    b] your heroes include Charles Bronson and Kermit the Frog [no one likes a murdering green muppet with a
                         moustache]

This is how he scared away the police.

      Of course I agreed to try this [so can you, if you just click HERE ], and whilst it might sound like a load of spat, all I'm
       going to stay is that last night Coco Chanel told me to carry on writing this blog, and who am I to protest?

TWO] The French are the world's most radical feminists as of 12th January 2012.
            Yes, the term 'Mademoiselle' [that's 'Miss' to the rest of us] is no longer allowed to be used in the town of
            Cesson- Sevigne as the mayor believes that in enforcing this change he is helping 'eliminate discrimination'
           ( BBC NEWS ).
            Wonderful.  Now the town is a better place with the criminals [who seizing this opportunity to do what they do best
            whilst the governing bodies spend their time in crafts classes making badges with the word 'Mademoiselle'
            crossed out in furious red] now being called Madame Le Thief instead of Mademoiselle le Thief on their papers
            of arrest at the station.

Money well spent

A successful week of learning and It's not even Friday.

SK

NYR2012

A NEW YEAR and with it a new drive to fulfill all your new years' resolutions and kick start a healthy lifestyle after the
christmas binge.  If only this drive lasted more than a few weeks. "Is this a challenge?" I hear you cry! [if I could magically hear responses to this post in a psycho big-brother esque way.] So, in the spirit of this new January-fuelled inspiration, I will [against the grain of the topic of all previous posts] list my NYRs [New Years Resolutions] with you all bearing witness in the hope that it will encourage me to actually see them through til 2o13.

ONE] Read Every Day: An obvious yet rarely continued choice here, something I actioned on the 2nd day of January
          [the only thing anyone did on 1st was stretch a few toes out of bed and doze off to 8Os films. If you did anything
           other than this your NYE probably involved TV re-runs and cocktail sausages].  Being a bit more specific than
           'read more' [which really means look at your bookshelf and decide which book you might start at some point], i've
           made this resolution easier to break but simultaneously easier to keep up! SNEAKY.
          NOTE: if you're going to use this one too, do not under any circumstances attempt it if:
                            a] reading to you comprises the last few pages of the Metro, or
                            b] you have a Jodie Marsh autobiography readily waiting to be opened on your beside table. No no no.

'Keeping it Real' The most ironic title EVER.

TWO] Write More: Yes, I have used 'more', but you can't force creativity and if you can, being 'Rebecca Black' doesn't
           count!  In all seriousness, I think it's important to push yourself, even if you've gone through what seems like a 365
           day creative block.  This one for me is going to include Songs and  blog posts [which I started about this time last
           year and was really enthusiastic about- for a few months].  Don't think you can get out of this one either! It can
           apply to any form of creativity, anything that you create out of nothing [doodles included, although lets be honest, if
           that's all you can come up with you probably need some other NYRs along the lines of 'FIND NEW JOB' or 'STOP
           READING JODIE MARSH's AUTOBOPGRAPHY'].

If you doodle like THIS though, I'll let you off.

THREE] Make More Effort with my Appearance: Whereas I don't think I dress particularly scruffy or, on the contrary,
               gaga-like [If I dressed like her i'd be given a straight jacket not a record deal] I think my clothing and hair could
               do with some fine tuning. If I wake up and look like the love child of shrek and SuBo I'm going to spend time
               sorting it out before I unleash myself onto the world. If I can't be bothered to think of an outfit, I'm going to hide
               my 'easy option' jeans for a week -and so on. Whilst I'm realising that this is starting to make me sound as
               shallow as Rupert Murdoch's fan-mail sack, I think it's going to be a good one to get into the habit of keeping
               up.  You may also need to try this if:
                            a] You like to wear the colour orange, and/or
                            b] coincidentally, you look like Jodie Marsh does now, or a year ago. [I have no idea why she's taken
                                 over. NYR No. 4 Stop talking about Jodie Marsh]

About as popular as having to work on Christmas Day

I only managed to fulfil one NYR last year [the best one].
2o12 is going to better than 2o11 though, so that's fine.

Happy New Year Everyone
SK