SMELATHON

SO another weekend and another cave of gems:

ONE] Hospitals don’t all smell the same: After having spent some of last weekend in one [don’t panic. I was

         visiting.] and frankly dreading the smell that hits you as soon as the first wall of smoke finishes seeping

         into your lungs [from the people attached to drips and their cigarettes alike just outside the front doors– a

         pretty awful thing to see], I was amazed. This hospital had managed to blitz the hell out of the ‘school

         dinners-mixed-with-bleach-and-sick’ smell and replace it with a more bearable waft of coffee, slowly

         morphing into that of sweets. Whilst this might seem like I’m making a mountain out of a molehill, I can’t

         tell you how much more relaxed I felt. Its as though the tenseness disappeared with the realization that I

         wasn’t walking into a building smelling like a stale school kitchen taken over by zombies. If I felt like this

         then surely the patients felt the same way? This, after all, can’t be a bad thing. One other phenomenon

         that struck me was the airport-esque corridor leading to the wards. There was a food shop that looked like

         something out if Disneyworld just less Disney, and a Boots. A Boots at a hospital?! I can’t say this was

         my highlight, more an interesting observation on a strange weekend, but I am just glad that the person I

         visited is on the mend and happy to say that they will receive one massive [gentle] hug this weekend

         courtesy of yours truly.

These are definitely more colourful than the school dinners

I remember. Even the trays were beige.

TWO] The Paralympics Opening Ceremony should have been called ‘The Paralympics Parade’: Eight thirty: not

          a particularly early time to start [especially considering most people needed lashings of red bull to stay

          awake for the last one] but I thought I’d give it a go. I just have one question: What happened after

          Mexico waked in? This, my friends, is when my eyes gave up. I could stay awake watching athletes walk

          into the stadium no longer.  Had the games started earlier, more people would most likely be able to

          answer my question. I’m probably going to watch the rest of the ceremony on 4oD in fast forward but

          really, not even the fireworks could keep me awake this time [after having spent the rest of the nights this

          week desperately trying to sleep..]. So here’s my plea Seb Coe [obviously he’s reading] If you must put

          the closing ceremony on a week night, please start it at a time that won’t see us walking into work with

          oversized sunglasses , lining up shots of coffee like Lindsay Lohan lines up tequila sunrises.

Apparently this happened. When did this happen?!

THREE] My Chilis look great! :)  My Chilis still aren’t actual Chilis! :( Yes, though my plants have completely

             overtaken the window ledges, threatening to move themselves to a more spacious part of the flat, they

             still have yet to produce the only thing they have to produce. This is as absurd as sweet shops not

             selling sweets, footballers being paid millions of pounds and not being able to score a single goal

             [imagine], going on a summer holiday to ICELAND. Anyway, here’s an example of what I’m being faced

             with. If anyone has any ideas as to when I should start seeing some chili growth please…put me out of

             my misery.

Scotch Bonnet and Jalapeno Madness. No, not the name of a pizza.

American Chili and Unnamed Chili! Still no chili.

Another weekend ahead and hopefully more sleep.
If I don’t get any of that, I’m sure next week’s post will be interesting to say the least.
Also, did I mention I Stanley has Twitter? BE STANLEYS FRIEND : https://twitter.com/stanleysays1

STANLEY