A NEW YEAR SWISH

IT's the first Thursday of 2013 and goodness isn't it a glorious one? Lets not beat about the bush [which is probably a soggy mess due to the annoying amount of rain the entire world has been experiencing recently]. Here are a few things I have learnt and brought with me into the new year:

ONE] Christmas and NYE live up to the hype if you don't..hype: Exactly, I was really really looking forward to
         Christmas this year and, whilst I didn't feel at all Christmassy 'til the day before, it made the main day
         which had crept up on me a wonderful one. No hype, just Christmas. Food, presents, drink, presents,
         board games and presents. What more could I ask for? I was just happy that Poppy liked her presents:

And here she is whilst I tested out one of mine.

         I spent the day with twenty seven other people which ensured the day was exactly the right level of
         loudness I like at Christmas, with Articulate and Chase the Ace being played on a monumental level
         [my team won obv]. I was as stuffed as the Turkey by the second round of food:

Thank you Sophie, the only one to actually look at the camera.

        New Years did far from disappoint; creeping up on us again [I need a calendar for my birthday] and being

        heralded by three and a half hours at work, a windswept walk to Euston which destroyed my umbrella and
        finally the train to Northampton's finest Travelodge. No bling, no blong, just a lot of friends and a lot of rum.

        With the countdown over out came two large boxes of headphones; so began the surprise silent disco and
        the incredible out of tune, vodka drenched renditions of every song under the sun.

        Here are my favorite pictures of some of my favourite people:

I'm not one of my favourite people i'm just in this picture.

          And with this I shall list my New Years' resolutions:

                 one] Be infinitely more positive about everything because a] it works and b] it makes you feel better.

                 two] Read at least three times a week. This figure should be higher, but nothing is worse than an

                        unrealistic goal.

                 three] Have at least four bread-free days a week. This figure should also be higher, but nothing is..

                 four] Achieve at least three things to be very proud of by December 31st. Last year had a big

                        beginning so I got to this number by March.

         I should probably think up something else but four takes up just the right amount of space in my
         brain. I'll post updates on how I am getting on. Probably. Definitely about number three since I think about
         bread a lot.

TWO] The world didn't end!:  By about five o'clock on 21st I was suitably convinced that actually the world wasn't

          going to end and that I would be able to see Christmas, stuff my face with stuffing and chase the cat
          around the living room with wrapping paper. How embarrassed would you feel if you were one of those
          people who moved into an underground bunker with a years' supply of food? What I don't understand is if
          the world was going to end in a horribly devastating way, how would a bunker save anyone?! Surely the

          whole planet would go, underground Russian clubs included. Either way, the world and all its problems are

          still here, but so are its GOOD bits. So lets remember that and enjoy the beginning of another 365 days of

          surprises [resolution one. CHECK].

Google gem.

THREE] Humans can wag their tails: Excuse me? We don't have tails. Well, not until the other day when

             Japanese inventor Shota Ishiwatari designed a gadget that has been described on the Daily Mail
             website as the 'must-have accessory for 2013'. I have an issue with this. Animals wag tails to show
             happiness [mainly] to someone/thing that is making them happy. Humans don't need to do this because

                 a] we can talk, and

                 b] we can TALK.

            I can't for the life of me see just how this idea is going to take off. There is also one flaw [apart from the
            fact that it is completely ridiculous]. The gizmo monitors heart rate and wags more the faster the

            wearer's heart is beating. So if you were wearing your newly bought tail in a park snd you are 

            fond of labradors but not those large overgrown bull-doggy dogs with foam and saliva dripping from every

            corner of its face. At this moment one of those drippy dogs comes right at you. Your heart rate
            increases, your tail wags violently and the dog assumes you are enjoying this so jumps right onto you.

            WHAT THEN?!

This picture is on the Daily Mail website, clearly showing how
great you would look with a fake tail.

I for one can not wait to see these littering the streets before a consequent Instagram frenzy.

I wander how many of my resolutions I'll break this week?

NONE because i'm a machine.

Lots of love

STANLEY