FREE-LIGHT MY FIRE

THIS weekend I learnt many things, some useful, many not.
My top three new nuggets of information are that:

ONE] George Lamb looks more delicious in real life, if that is possible.  Eye contact was exchanged, but that's
         about it.  I never really stood a chance when I was surrounded by:
                a] screaming middle-aged women and
                b] really really perfectly formed models..
         STILL, a free fashion show was enjoyed by me (and the two startled girls at the pub who I gave my goodie
         bag to) then on to two free gigs, one at the Sound Bar to see Birmingham's Arcadian Kicks and all-round
         nice-guys (and girl) superstars TANTRUMS, and another at the O2 to see a friend play bass for Jonny-look
         at-my-tight-jeans Borrell, which leads me nicely on to the second thing I learnt this weekend.

They did actually come out in lingerie, not standard underwear. Models 1: Stan 0

TWO] The O2 should be called the 'Oh Dear'.  Although it boasts an unfaultable sound-system, something which
          I would argue could make or break a band, i really fail to see any other redeeming factor for this
          monstrosity of a building which boasts not one but two entrances (w0w). The drinks were burning holes in
          my pockets before I even bought them, the lighting would have been OK if you were partially blind and the
          ambiance was that of a badly planned school disco.  It's fine though 'cause the DJ was lovin' it.
          It is NOT however OK to:
                 a] stroke my hair repeatedly whilst I am waiting to order drinks at a bar, then imply that I look like a
                     vampire by asking if I ever go out during the day.  I am standing alone at the bar because I'm trying

                     to get the barmaid's attention, not because I want to be petted like a kitten.

                b]  girate to the Arctic Monkey's dancefloor song whilst giving me the eye.  If I wanted to vom I would

                    have downed a bottle of sambucca thanks.        

'Oh Deer' This would probably make them 1oo% cooler.

THREE] No amount of forrest will start a bonfire in a garden if:
                 a] it is damp.
                 b] it is covered in damp leaves.
                 c] it is therefore clearly d a m p.

I maintain that adding salt DID help the situation, albeit for about three minutes.  Note: it is probably not worth smelling like you've been trying to smoke yourself to death for a tiny bit of flame.  It really isn't going to heat six pretty cold people.  Stick to huddling/drinking spirits/staying by a real fire, inside. Silly Stan.

If only it was this big. ''That's what she said''

ANYWAY
I do feel more knowledgeable now which is great.

I'm pretty sure you do too.

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