SUPERCI[ZE]DER ME

LAST weekend was nothing short of fruitful with regard to the amount of things I learnt, a bit like Harvest, but less charitable and slightly more debaucherous. Nonetheless fruitful it was, so let me waste no further time in going straight into my top three nuggets of information:

ONE] Superheroes have more fun.  It's true; and by 'Superheroes' i'm not referring to real-life [fake]
         comic phenomenons people only get the opportunity to engage with through faded old strips or over a
         mountain of toffee popcorn, i'm talking tangible, twenty year old+ crazed youthful people in tights and
         spandex.  This Friday saw  exactly that, with the twenty first birthday of a good friend exploding in a haze of
         train station wrestling, cape flapping and papparazzi-style mobbing.  Why we all decided to wear the
         tightest outfits known to man will forever remain a mystery, but it happened, and so did THIS:

Batman, Robin, the Joker, Poison Ivy and Catwoman, with a Ghost Buster peeping his head through, like a little guard dog, checking that we were all safe from ghosts and such. Pee.ess No imagination needed for this photo.

        Wave goodbye to your previous personas, dignity and morals  [catwoman can pretty much get away with

          anything], Batman Fancy Dress is probably the best idea anyone's had in a long time [except for buy one

          pizza, get another for £1, which is a pretty brilliant idea.]

TWO] South London bus experiences are better than watching Jeremy Kyle.  Whilst many avid fans of Jezza will

          positively be cursing into their Monstermunch at this statement, others will know exactly what I am

          referring to. Note:  It is not OK to think you can start a fight with six superheroes on a bus when:

                         a] you've clearly had enough cider to sedate a pregnant elephant.

                         b] you think that proceeding to whip off your jumper and shirt to reveal your prized wife beater is

                             intimidating.  It's about as intimidating as Joe Pasquale, in a baby grow, after inhaling helium.

                         c] the people you're threatening to 'merk' actually know you.  Yes, this one was a real bright

                             spark.

                            

Just 'av it.

THREE] Vocalzone voice sweets are INCREDIBLE.  Not only to these pastilles work miracles [until you've tried

             singing for an entire day after having gone out as a back-flipping, spandex-wearing lady-cat the night

             before you won't know my pain] by completely restoring your voice/sinuses in the face of despair, they

             come wrapped in a packet with mini treble clefs dotted around the foil! Is this not amazing?!

             Whilst this last fact clearly shows the state of insanity recording songs for hours every available

             weekend has driven me to, i'm pretty sure that any singer I know will google them after reading this.

Look at it. All mighty and red.  Not sure why the rabbit from Donnie Darko is on the cover though.

SO there we have it.

Superheroes, fake fights and red packaging; all in a weekends' work darling.

I would also like to quickly take this opportunity to mention that an old friend was recently in a devastating car crash; he is still in a critical condition and still in a coma but is showing signs of stabilizing and definite improvement, which is absolutely brilliant news.  Hopefully I'll have more good news soon.

Get better soon George.

xx

LEA[R]N ON ME

THIS weekend saw me completely recovered, ready for another hectic few days filled with the three 'S's:
Singing, Sambucca and Squidgy chips. In that order.
On being asked this Saturday, whilst in a somewhat 'merry' state, what I had learnt in the past two days, my response of 'absolutely bloody nothing' came as a dishearterning [if somewhat hilarious,obviously the fault of rum] reply. What I am learning, however unfortunate/ironic this may be, is that I am learning less and less each weekend, a situation which I am finding more distressing as the weeks go on. [this is a lie]

Well I for one think this chappie needs to chill out.

 
SO mindful that I am clutching at straws [very short, skinny ones at that; the kind you'd get in those orange juice cartons they give to children under the age of five], here's a list of the things I learnt this weekend:

ONE] There's nothing like a good old sing song in the night with a guitar and a group of merry people round
         a cat and a bottle of blueberry vodka? [obviously the cat and the vodka are mutually exclusive here
         otherwise we'd be arrested, although she does likes to put pretty much anything in her mouth, no innuendo
         intended]  This is always a good idea:
                         a] because everyone seems to enjoy this.  Even if you're not singing [which you will be], it'll
                             put you in a really nice mood. It's like the marshmallow of 'group gatherings', but not when
                            you burn them on a fire, because that would just be sad.
                        b] if there isn't a camera; anywhere. I always seem to think that even if I am merry and holding
                            my phone filming such things the microphone won't pick my voice up. Unfortunately on this
                            point I am probably as wrong as the love child of David Gest and Donatella Versace would
                            look.

I couldn't find them in a photograph together.  Good job really.  It'd probably crack my screen.

TWO] Recording all weekend is draining but incredibly rewarding and fun. [like when you're half way through a
          brilliant film, surrounded by pizza and candy floss but your eyes feel insanely heavy and drop a millimetre
          every second]; but at the risk of my old head mistress hunting me down and beating me to death, " I wish
          I had more time!".  It's all worth it though because
                         a] I've always wanted to go to Japan and we're definitely going to play Japan, so that's good.
                            [this is 1oo% hope and o% fact]
                         b] people always think you're more interesting when you say you're in a band.  It's miraculous.
                             the person you are talking to can practically be asleep, but the moment you mention the
                            word 'band' they're awake, buying you a drink and holding your coat before you can say
                            'the ting tings'. [obviously this is a lie. The only things that do wonders like that are steroids
                            and/or Jodie Marsh walking through a retirement home holding cups of tea; and
                       c] I can't imagine spending this much effort/time doing anything else.

This is us playing in Japan obviously, with some people we found in the street who we taught to play the triangle and things.

THREE] The 'sad face' really does work.  I know that last week I perhaps gave away my weakness in a moment

             of madness [as mad as you can get at work at ten in the morning], but this week I fight back with my

             secret weapon.  The last few days saw me use it on a number of occasions, each with successful

             effect which makes me pretty sure that if the andrex puppy and I were in a sad face competition, I would

             win, but probably only because I could smile afterwards.  If the puppy smiled that would just be strange,

             and impossible, so it'd probably get disqualified, which means I would win anyway so...

This puppy is not sad, it's pissed off.

So there you have it.
I'm pretty sure next weekend will be more bountiful and I will learn a multitude of facts, like 'going out in London with a bunch of superheroes is a recipe for disaster'.

I'll keep you posted.
x

CHIP CHIPPEDY

MOST of my last week[end] was spent eating, sleeping, snacking and napping [I've probably been spending too much time around cats], swaying in a non musical related sense, and feeling particularly faint.
Whilst the Medieval scholars will put this down to the fact that I am a woman and am therefore more susceptical to an imbalance of emotion, I can assure you, it was jut a virus.  An incredibly annoying, ever persistent virus which rendered me almost useless for an entire week.

I think this is what my virus looked like.  Green and mean, but pretty bloody useless without hands.

As a result, the things I learnt were not parictularly useful, but knowledge is knowledge nonetheless and here are my top three nuggets of new information:

ONE] The guitarist who plays for Yann Tiersen must have been stolen, blindfolded, gagged, pumped with Red Bull
         and finally released on stage.  That or he really doesn't look around when he's playing.  Either way, this
         does not excuse the fact that he thought [wholeheartedly] that he was in Metallica or even, dare I say it,
         Slip Knot.  He wasn't wearing a hollwe'en themed mask, but i'm pretty sure that if he shook his head
         up and down one more time he would have spontaneously combusted.  That having been said, the gig itself
         was worthy of the near-to-passing-out moments I experienced, with new synth-pop twists on the old
         Tiersen classics such as 'La Valise d'Amelie' and incredible violin solos by Yann himself.  On the other
         hand, it did seem as though they'd just been thrown into a six storey music shop with an unlimited budget,
         bought every synth they found and hadn't had a chance to play with them 'til the set itself.  However fun to
         play, synth solos comprising of turning a dial round and round in [un]predictable outbursts does not =
         interesting five minute solo.  Regardless, Yann Tiersen's new album Dust Lane is definitely worth a
         listen, with particular favourites of mine being the almost Arcade Fire-meets-Explosions In The Sky anthem
         'Til The End' and the surprising [massive lie] crowd-pleaser 'Fuck Me'.

Yann Tiersen.  He does not like to pose much. At all even.

TWO] I can't say no to Potato. [Wow. A rhyming 'thing I have learnt'  This is now obviously worth two things.] I
         already knew this, but Saturday saw me devour an ungodly amount of chips after I had eaten and was
         already belly-bustingly full.  If there's potato in front of me I literally can't say 'no'.  So there you have it, my
         weakness.  Please don't exploit this, but I'm just saying...if there's anything you need to know, stick a bag
         of chips in front of me and I'll tell you EVERYTHING. [shh]

Squidgy chips in hearts shapes?! Just. Woah.

THREE] People actually liked the first real song of our band H E A R T S.  Thanks to everyone who's had a listen/
            sent me a message/joined the group.  More to come SOON.
            www.myspace.com/hearthesehearts

Also next weekend I have to go to a friend's 21st in fancy dress.
Outfit ideas will be very welcome.  And no I am not going as a chip.  Thanks.
x

'SIRAP' IS PARIS BACKWARDS. LIKE THE SUGAR.

THE last week or so has taught me an abundance of things with the common theme, you'd be surprised to hear[definitely sarcasm], of Paris; the city, not the Hilton, because that would just be untasteful and i'd probably catch something and end up in jail for drink driving for even mentioning her name more than once.
So in the list of things from one to 'i'm so learned i'm practically a library' i'm going to start with this:

ONE] The law which has recently changed in favour of allowing buildings in Paris to be taller than seven stories is
         a SILLY idea.  For years i've been trying to work out why, apart from the obvious beautifully formed
         buildings throughout the city, Paris always looks so picturesque.  Then one day whilst sipping some thé du
         menthe in a small café near the 16th it hit me.  It's the contrast of the piercing blue sky creeping around
         and over the buildings which are set against this magnificent backdrop.  It almost gives a sense of 'the rural'
         in the midst of this bustling, en vogue yet remarkably laid back city.  Allowing the buildings to get taller and
         taller will almost instantly hack away at the charm of Paris which rests amongst these classically coloured
         perfectly heighted houses/museums/cafés, therefore making me very sad, and no one needs to see that.
         Anyway, if you're reading this Sarkozy [he's definitely not], sort it out love.

More HERE

TWO] I love Pastry more than I ever new.  Don't come to Paris under any circumstances unless:
          a] you fully accept that croissants and pain au chocolats can only be eaten in batches of three.
          b] a pastry to accompany breakfast, lunch and dinner is just about enough to keep you going, but you
             could probably do with one more.
          c] you can walk past a patisserie and not flinch. [this one is particularly important. If you are in doubt as to
              whether you are able to do this, don't even attempt it.]

Hi breakfast.  Hi belly.

THREE] Everything sounds better in French.  Even 'I'd like to buy that baguette pen please' which, I must say,
             was one of the best finds of the year.  [it's literally just a pen that looks remarkably/deceptively like a
             real mini baguette]  Even the lady on the tannoy at the airport sounds like she's on a Galaxy Chocolate
             advert for a new bar that'll give you eternal youth. [a far cry from the 'moind your bags at all toimes pleys'
             of the less than architecturally brilliant Birmingham Airport.]

Don't even bother trying this because Galaxy lady will HUNT YOU DOWN.

FOUR] This week there's a four because, as someone kindly pointed out, none of this happened on an actual
            'weekend' in keeping with the rest of my posts.  So it gives me great pleasure to tell you that the fourth
            thing I learnt, and the only one of the weekend, is that I am incredibly excited about our new band
            H E A R T S.  Same people, better tunes, easier-to-spell name. SONGS TO COME SOON.
                                                   
                                                               MYSPACE        FACEBOOK

 SPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAM

Here's also to hoping I get to see Yann Tiersen this evening.
Bonne Journée!

Bis
x

I GOT TWENTY ONE PAGES TO GO

LAST weekend was amazing; it taught me a fair bit, but mainly it was amazing.
Here are a few of the intriguing things I learnt during my little sister's Twenty First Birthday Weekend:


ONE] I like making/giving presents more than receiving them [no innuendo intended].
         Friday night saw me working 'til half two the next morning on a picture book I made from scratch for my
         sister as part of her present.  I wanted it to look like a little Paper Chase black-card-brown-cardboard book
         but with a bit more character [and by character I mean selotape/rough edges].  I wrote a note in the front
         then had twenty one pages of pictures with a tiny running commentary in silver pen.  This is always a good
         idea because:
                           a] even if you only have black masking tape instead of the much much much nicer 'white'
                              version and proceed to think that what you're making resembles a badly made, old diary of a
                              psychotic bondage lover, the receiver of said masterpiece will love it.  It's the thought that
                              counts anyway, right? and
                          b] your gift will be 1oo% unique! That's right. No chance of the 'same-present-no-thought'
                              situation occuring here Stace.  [to be fair it would have been pretty much impossible for
                              anyone to recreate the uniqueness of the scissor cut, wonky edges doused in tape]

Here's something else Google tells me I could have 'handmade' as a present.

Thanks Google.

TWO] Never underestimate.  Ever.  Saturday saw friends from my sister's school, art foundation, current Uni
         and family turn up to celebrate her birthday.  That's four different corners of her life, which to me was pretty
         astounding.   Although this obviously has something to do with the fact that she is incredibly
         lovely/FUNNY/hot/good at surrounding herself with nice people, it taught me the importance of making an
         effort when it counts, and even when you think it may not.  This is good because:
                              a] it is a brilliant feeling when all your groups of friends are getting on in a nice mélange 
                                  of birthday merryness. [this sounds far more sophisticated than it actually
                                  is]                            
                              b] you look popular when, inevitably, the photos get brandished on facebook. [obviously i'm
                                  joking]

Here is probably the most 'unpopular' thing I have ever seen.

THREE] The people who think up films like SAW 3D should probably be locked up.  We could let them out on
             'creative leave' for public holidays or something but then they should 1oo% be kept away from:
                            a] people
                            b] objects in general [No specifics here. I'm pretty sure they could use safety scissors and
                               create a disaster], and
                            c] people with objects, for obvious reasons.

 

The potential 'not-so' safety scissors of doom.

Someone should take that puppet from the film to Toys 'R' Us or something first though.  I mean seriously.  It's like he's got 'game' tourettes.
On the plus side, I'll be sipping un bol de chocolat sur le Champs Élysées very soon.
J'espere que vous aurez une bonne semaine!
Bis

x