BAGEL HEAD

Being quite shocked at what this week has taught me, I’m going to dive straight in:

ONE] Some people really do like bagels more than I do: Whilst this may come as a shock to those of you who

         know me well, no one was more shocked than I on reading the phrase ‘Bagel Heads’, let me tell you.  But

         who are these new tribe of humans? You would be right to think this is beginning to sound like an episode

         of Star Trek: The Next Generation as the people involved look like they have stepped straight off the set

         minus most of the make up. What these people do is inject saline into their bodies to create a 3D shape

         under the skin. Loads of people have done this already though right? Not like this they haven’t. These

        ‘Bagel Heads’ are aptly named because saline is injected into their foreheads, then a thumb is squeezed

         into the middle in order to create a bagel-like shape. The procedure takes a teeth-grindly long TWO

         HOURS and involves the ‘patient’ [term is used in the loosest sense] sitting down with a drip being fed

         straight into their heads.

Arty and moody picture on the Daily Mail's website. From drips to dance floors in two hours.

Look like something out of a horror film? It basically is, it’s just not being videod and shown to mass audiences in sequence. Probably the most shocking thing about this procedure is that it lasts a mere sixteen to twenty four. WHAT IS THE POINT? Most people die their hair, pierce their scrotum or wear garish makeup to stand out which:

       a] lasts so much longer,

       b] doesn’t involve a drip being fed into your head, and

       c] doesn’t result in you looking like a COMPLETE FOOL.

Just in time for the re-launch of Myspace. ''Me and my Bagel LOL"

One thing is for sure. I’ve never held in a laughing fit as much as I had to do yesterday when I spotted this article at work. Thank you once again Daily Mail. And Japan.

TWO] You can never have too much breakfast: Whilst the fattest man in the world might argue with you on this

          point, I came to this realisation on Tuesday when we had ‘Coffee & Breakfast’ at work [which ended up

          being more like Breakfast & Breakfast for me]. Since we rolled out boxes of croissants and pastries, I

          knew it was going to be a bad food day and all hope of resisting would have been futile. In the end I

          managed to devour a bowl of cocpops, a croissant, a fruit pastry thing and some strawberries, all before

          half nine in the morning. And how did I feel afterwards? Bloody AMAZING. Sometimes we need to treat

          ourselves and a late-night pizza on a Sunday or a gigantic breakfast on a normal Tuesday morning

          shouldn’t be met with thoughts of FatHab [rehab but…not].

The only thing I didn't eat was the Ivy.

THREE] My chili plants are deaf: I know this because after weeks of slagging them off at every opportunity, my

             little chili plants have started to grow actual real-life chilis! I was doubtful at first, mistaking this little

             blob of green for yet more sprouting leaves, but after a closer look I realised that in fact they were the

             beginnings of edible chilis. Little foetus-like chilis that look so innocent but pack a punch as big as

             whoever won gold at the Olympics [I was busy using all the space in London that appeared during the

             games].

I haven't even zoomed in [crop doesn't count]. 

So it seams positivity really IS the key [I may have slagged them off but I also talk to and encourage them. Definitely not as weird as shoving a bagel into my head so..]

This weekend will see lots of rain, but apparently not on Saturday.

You heard it here first!

[or probably on the news, where I heard it]

STANLEY