TOP TOURISTY TIPS

TOMORROW is my dad's birthday [happy birthday MK] so I have the day off and the Koumi clan will be walking round London doing touristy things. Considering I have lived here for nearly two years, I can safely say that I probably won't have been to half the places i'll be seeing tomorrow, but that's mainly because I think we're doing the city tour bus thing. That and going to Greenwich which I have done a few times. In celebration of all things touristy, here are my 5 Top Tips for Tourists [copyrighted] in London:

ONE] Do not wear backpacks on your front.

Photo courtesy of I Love China

I understand people fear for their possessions, but

I always want to ask them whether they wear

their backpacks like back home where there

are also tourists. Wearing it like this

a] makes it even more obvious that you are a tourist and, 

b] renders the name futile. It is not called a 'frontpack'.

TWO] Do not wear more than one camera around your neck

Photo courtesy of www.rhinocerus.net

There can't possibly be an excuse to ignore this rule.

Want a different effect?
Bring a different filter, no need for an entire camera.

Also, if you're doing this and ignoring point ONE], you're

a thief's dream.

THREE] Do not use said cameras to take photos of pointless things

ooh look  it's a coat hanger - and it is in London [substitute with any city]

 -so I have to take a photo!

No, no you don't. 

FOUR] Do not crowd around 

Photo courtesy of the MailOnline

This crowd is absolutely fine here. In fact, this area was

practically made for crowds.

Do not however think you can do the same thing anywhere else.

You are likely to end up in the road.

FIVE] Do not wear socks and sandals

Photo courtesy of the Sun

We are not ancient Romans.

Also doesn't wearing socks kind of ruin the point of sandals?

If the socks are blocking the breeze to your feet, 

you should be wearing shoes.

It may look like this in your head..

Photo courtesy of BOHOMOTH

...but in reality you appear like John McCririck only

with a sexy accent.

Follow my top tips and your trip to London should go more smoothly than the top of a chocolate tart that hasn't been tipped to one side [that's pretty smooth].

Enjoy tonight's weather; tomorrow will be much, much wetter.

Love

STANLEY

whatstanleysays@gmail.com