CARPE DIEM. NOT THE ICE CREAM.

The last few days have basically taught me that life is far too short do put things off til the next day.
Here are a few things i'd like to point out:

          ONE] The phrase 'saving my pennies' annoys me this week. [I have used it so many times]
                   Saving for what exactly? St Peter doesn't have much use for gold, unless of course you're
                   practising the religion of the ancient world, in which case you'd only really need two gold coins to
                  get you across the river Styx anyway so shhhhhhhhhhhhh. Shh.

Not at all as exciting as a 'members only' island should be really.

         TWO] Don't waste time not seeing family/friends/Yann Tiersen/Jude Law at the cinema, waste time doing

                  these things.  They may not seem that important to you whilst there's a whole series of Iron Chef to

                  get through on 4oD, but trust me, there's only so many times you can listen to that presenter

                  talk and he'd probably eat you if he saw you anyway..

Olly Smith. Probably nearly as annoying as an ulcer, but a bit cute when he talks too. Sometimes.

     THREE] It's OK to watch X Factor if you like Scary Mary's voice and Rebecca's face.  It's not OK to watch it if
                       a] you think the way Treyc spells her name is 'cool' or 'alternative'.  It is neither. or
                       b] you like that annoying Take That song which gets played every time there's a video telling a
                          sad story with a happy ending. Please. It's not Oprah: I was born with the X Factor. Get me out
                          of here!

Oh look it's Rebecca. Oh wait no. No that's definitely Jessica Rabbit.

On the plus side, I like the fact that people who wouldn't normally get the opportunity to sing for

                   millions of people are finally realising their dream.  Nice Work.

Here's to my sister's twenty first on Saturday. See you in Dalston!

x

PATHETIC IN PINK

DEAR fashion conscience buried in the depths of my brain [and Katy Brown],

Forgive me for I have sinned.
For a Christening this weekend, not only will I not be wearing black,
but the dress is unmistakeably pink. With bits of lace. And that really awful
'inbetween length' I vowed never [ever] to buy.
My shoes won't even redeem me, being brown [albeit very very very high] brogues.

It would probably be 1oo% worse though If I turned up with the 'so-goth-it-literally-hurts' look.

So as not to offend you for all eternity however,  I will most likely be pairing these with:

                        a] some black fishnet tights.

                        b] black-with-a-hint-of-purple lipstick

I can only hope that this turns out for the better and nobody is scarred by such an offence.

Yours Truly,

Stavrini 'what-am-I-thinking' Koumi

x

L.D.NTRANCE FEE

THE last few days have been somewhat eye-opening.
Whilst many of you think that I am in London every spare minute that I have, or even live there, [if I had a pound for each time someone asked me how long i've been living there, I could probably actually afford to move down], this isn't the case.  I'm usually in a room in Croydon playing keyboard [true] and singing my way to a billion pound record deal [definitely 1oo% not true].
This weekend however saw me fully embrace a side to London I have yet to experience.

I learnt that:
ONE] The phrase 'nothing comes for free' is a big fat lie.  Innuendoes aside, I fully believe this phrase to be untrue
         when:
              a] this is the second night of free entry/free drinks in a club where jeans to the bouncers are like
                  wrinkles to Katie Price.
              b] those four bottles of champage with sparklers coming our way are actually coming our way.

''My entourage is larger than yours yo.''

        

        This is not to say that somewhere down the line, someone has not compromised their position[s] to allow
        this to happen on a regular basis OR that I would necessarily normally venture into places like this,
        however, with the former remaining forever unknown to me and the latter being most definitely true, I decided
        to completely enjoy every moment of my free time in freedrinkopolis and dance wholeheartedly to mixes
        that I have no recollection of ever hearing.

TWO] Every girl from Geneva is h.o.t.  This weekend I saw myself surrounded [literally] by six foot, fair 
         goddesses [I think at one point the tally reached eleven] with nothing but my relatively high-heeled, trusty
         black boots as a saving grace.  Not only were these ladies:
                a] toweringly stunning, and
                b] incredibly lovely [is there even room for anything else?]
        but they had ridiculously interesting jobs.  How often do I get to pick clothes from classy designers for
        magazine issues? Never, that's when.  On the plus side I stuck out like a sore thumb when we went out.
        Oh, wait...

It was actually like being surrounded by lots of Lara Stones. Minus the fixed pose, because that would just be awkward, and quiet.

THREE] Printing photographs out or, if you're feeling REALLY adventurous [it's not that adventurous], using film is
             one of the best things you can start doing.  Think of it as an early New Year's Resolution.
             I've always tried to take silly little disposable cameras out with me to different countries or even to the
             local pub, but i've never really looked past the quality of the photographs to justify this; however after
             what can only be described as a brilliant Sunday, i've realised that keeping photographs in shoe boxes
             [or albums if you're feeling particularly organised] is a guaranteed belly-achingly genius way to have a
             good old laugh at yourself and other people [but mainly onther people].  This works particularly well
             when:
                     a] you're in a room with three generations of the same family.
                     b] most of these people were teenagers in the eighties. [hello shoulder pads, stripes and Borat
                         moustaches]
                     c] favourite recurring hairstyles included mohikans and mullets. [solely for the BABIES.  Cruel,
                        cruel parents]

a] why would you do this to your poor, helpless child, and

b] why on earth would you put it on the internet?

That's not a real smile, it's just wind.

So basically my top tips for eternal youth include being surrounded by Genevan women giving you drinks whilst laughing at old photographs. I don't think i've ever sounded more like a p.i.m.p in my life.

x
pee.ess Happy Twenty First Xenia! Bring on Kyriaki's!

OH BREADDY HELL

ALTHOUGH my weekend began on Thursday of last week, I barely learnt anything for the entire four days of freedom I managed to acquire [little bit shocking] due to the fact that I was recording/rehearsing new songs down in Croydon, land of the Black Sheep.

The 'Black Sheep' Baaaaaaaaa-r. Wow, that was lame.

I did however stumble across [eat my way into]  a new discovery.

ONE] Tired of drowning in endless cans of monsters, bulls and sharks? [the aptly named trio of drinks able

         to bring out the ferocious animal-esque side in your  nan.  I'm obviously joking.]  Do not fear!

I wish all cans of red bull did that.

         Saturday night [when I say night, I mean six o'clock] saw me willing my eyes to prop themselves
         open after a mind-numbingly long journey from Croydon->High Barnet->Birmingham.

         Obviously I decided I was hungry for the tenth time that day and decided to attack the ridiculously large

         basket practically full to the brim with bread.  Warning: It is not OK to do this:
              a] if you're in a room full of people, most of whom you don't know

              b] unless you're near a treadmil, OR

              c] unless you're Paris Hilton and therefore can't differentiate between the times you're an

                  embarassment and the other 1% where you're relatively normal.

       Rather than having the desired effect of merely satisfying my hunger pangs [which I probably made up],
       it  actually made me insanely hyper.  Bread made me hyper.  If I wasn't ridiculous before, I most definitely
       am now.  What had happened was the sheer quantity of carbohydrates I had consumed in under a minute
       was far too much for me to handle and the energy took over like you wouldn't believe.

Don't be fooled by the innocent doughy exterior.

      I couldn't stop laughing for at least ten minutes; proper laughing, not any of that fake 'this really isn't funny but
      I need to look like i'm paying attention' laughing; the kind where you can't breathe and your stomach cramps
      make you want to swear very very loudly.  To make matters worse, I threw in the most un-funny joke i've ever
      told which went something like, ''I've eaten so much bread i'm going to start rising'', consequently turning the
      laughter [and the pain] up a notch.

Til this day I am still unsure as to what actually happened that night I stayed in with a bread basket.
Just remember. Everything in moderation.

x

PROFOUNDLY INSANE

LAST night myself and two friends caught up over hot vegetarian pizza [I challenge you to find a better choice] and a nice Japanese film about incest and raw fish.  Don't get me wrong; we didn't go searching for a film that would make us look like we were sick in the head, rather it found us.  On our quest to watch something more serious after a brilliant [and emotional] two hours of Pixar's 'UP', we decided to forgo the standard generic drivel on the movie channels and were sold when we got to the words 'sixties' and 'Japanese'.  The title was also quite interesting, The Profound Desire of the Gods'[1968] or Kamigami no Fukaki Yokubo , boasting an impressive triad of words which could have led the plot down a number of alleyways.  Oh right. We forgot.The film was made in the sixties so it wouldn't be true to its era unless it  focused on the words 'profound', 'desire' and 'gods' with equal and undying measure..

The film wasn't actually in black and white.  So there you go.

The whole story is based around a 'primitive tropical island' (imbd) to which an engineer from Tokyo travels in order to drill a well to provide water for a sugar mill, the island's main source of income [not particularly exciting].  It turns out however that the family who helps him, the 'Futori', are a crazed set of horny incestuous beasts who nearly lead the island into oblivion with the act of brother and sister fun-times and the father trying to persuade the engineer to 'marry his retarted daughter' (imbd) [bit more exciting, though by this point we feel a bit weird for wanting to watch it].

The island doesn't have a lot of water.  The water it does have gets used like this. Probably a bit silly.

Add a few creepy smiling masks with blonde hair, coupled with the standard but incredibly out-of-place Ironside-esque music, the repetoire of which included an uncanny likeness to Oh When the Saints go Marching In [I am 1oo% not lying] and you have a winner.

In all seriousness, the cinematography was similar to that of  Nicolas Roeg's slightly later film Walkabout [1971], set in the Australian outback.  The seemingly random cuts to shots of nature in the foreground whilst the action continues in the background are not only impressively beautiful, but symbolic of the importance and divinity of the nature which surrounds the natives; a line from the film simplifying this thought being whilst a character states that 'all nature', even the grass, is a god.

There was also a lot of boob biting and people shoving raw fish into each others mouths.

Kissing and exchanging raw fish at the same time. Genius.

I think what I am trying to say is that if you fancy a break from Layer Cake [the other riveting option we had] and the like, you'd probably [sort of] enjoy it.

So there you go.  What started out as a lighthearted pizza binge ended in a pretty cultural evening.
It's OK though because we watched Spongebob Squarepants aswell.

x

O EL VODKO

WHAT did I learn this weekend?
What didn't I learn this weekend?!
Probably too much for a list of three but i'm all for being radical.

ONE]   The Flapper is actually a really great venue.  Set by the Venetian-like canals [maybe true] in the heart
           of Birmingham's character-filled [not true] backstreets, there's something really charming about the
           intimate space in which bands from all cities would surely feel at home.  This Friday it was the turn of
           O Children in the midst of their first UK tour.  Once again they were pretty much faultless and captivated
           the entire room with their effortless mix of controlled noise and delicate melodies. Cheerz boyz. I definitely
           suggest you catch them at the Royal Albert Hall [bit cool] on Wednesday. SEXY.

This is a sign language 'o'.

TWO] Having talented friends is always a good thing. It is definitely OK to:
                             a] go to Propaganda if you're getting in Free.I.P
                             b] drink all of Matt Horne's Vodka
                             c] drink all of Matt Horne's Vodka [OK] whilst your friend's tour manager gets started on 
                                [not OK] by a chav made of s t e e l and sponsored by Nike [not OK+1]

I am not sure why, but this appeared when I typed 'Matt Horne' into google images. It's OK though. I love looking at percy pigs too.  I do think that 'percy' deserves capitals though..

THREE] Recording vocals in a different city after four hours' sleep is never ever going to work really, is it?
             The only vocal capabilities you'll have will be:
                            a] asking to 'pass the Nachos'.
                            b] mentioning that your head hurts at least 1267843898 times, and
                            c] 'BLEURGH'

Don't ever even think of buying these. They smell [and taste] like cat food. Actually, even the cat didn't like it.

On the plus side,
I did get to see my beautiful three month old baby cousin at the end of all this.
He farts pretty loudly but smiles even louder, so that's ok.
AWW
x