BYE BYE LONDON

TODAY is my second to last day at work. I've been in London [and at this job] for 1 year and 8 months and have had a wonderful time; however whilst I am moving on to greener pastures [in the literal sense. I actually miss trees] I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for making my time so Londony. In celebration of my departure, here are a few things I will miss about my job:

ONE] The colour

There was always a way to brighten up the 't' word.

TWO] The creativity

I like to think my colleague Holly had a choice in the matter, 

but she didn't. I just went ahead and

Art Attacked her computer.

THREE] The snacks

Although we'll all probably lose weight during the Christmas

holiday as a result of this monstrosity, the snacks [who

were always there for me] will be greatly missed.

FOUR] The Phone

We've had some good times and bad times.

We've even had The Times.

FIVE] Stavrini Koumi 2

When I adopted Stavrini Koumi 2 she was almost dead.

I nursed her back to life, gave her all the light she needed, 

even put her in the view of other trees. I leave

saddened by the news that no one will look after her, but will rather

quote let it die unquote when I am gone. Apart from the glaringly obvious gender

error, I am anxious about her future.

Thank you everyone at Cision for a wonderful 1 year and 8 months. I will miss you all. But mostly my plant. Not really, I'll miss you.

See you later at the pub.

Love

STANLEY

whatstanleysays@gmail.com

, 

10 MILLION GREEN BOTTLES

TODAY I learnt that:

ONE] It is possible for a bra to cost more than a house - or ten: Am I taking the piss? Probably. Except for the
         fact that I'M NOT. 

Photo courtesy of Fashion Foie Gras

         Victoria's Secret have created a bra that costs no less than $10m. The 'm' is not a
         typo. Just to put that into perspective, you could buy at least 1 million pizzas for that amount of money. 
         So in celebration of this wasteful creation, here is a list of other things you could buy for $10m:

1] 10 RM-018 Tourbillion wristwatches

Image courtesy of  THE WATCH QUOTE

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't spend that much on a watch, 

just in case, you know, I accidentally BREAK IT.

2] 1 million tamagotchis

Photo courtesy of The Telegrpah

Now this I would consider.

3] 10 million small portions of fries

Photo courtesy of Chattering Kitchen

I obviously wouldn't do this because I do not recognise

skinny 'fries' as being chips at all.

4] 200,000 kittens from a cat sanctuary

Photo courtesy of ProProfs Quiz Maker

That's a lot of cute, and a lot of litter box gravel.

and...

5] #A partridge in a..# No but seriously, 20 million packets of 

Sainsbury's Little Ones cotton bud pots

Photo courtesy of  mysupermarket

       You can also buy a whole host of other things with $10m [and most likely help entire villages-in-need by

       giving them water, food and sanitary supplies] but these are a few that came to mind.

TWO] Even if you say you won't cry you might: I didn't, but today my floor and manager nearly brought me to

          tears with a little presentation and speech re: me leaving the company. I don't leave until next Friday, so

          I have an entire week of feeling emotionally unstable. Thanks guys!

Love

STANLEY

whatstanleysays@gmail.com

CHARLES BRADLEY - KOKO, LONDON 2013

THE Last few days have taught me several things, some of importance, many not. Regardless, here's the best thing I learnt:

ONE] Charles Bradley is 65 years old [if I can count properly]: Surprised? Even know who i'm talking about?

         You will [to both things]. This gentleman is one of the best singers I have heard live in a very long time. 

         At this stage of life, most people look forward to resting, seeing family, eating cakes and not giving a shit,

         and the list continues in that manner. Not Mr Bradley, he prefers to embark on WORLD TOURS. For

         example, last night he played at KOKO in London, tomorrow he's playing the Hare & Hounds, Birmingham

         [this is a brilliant venue - you should definitely get tickets] and on Monday he's in Norway. To give you

         some context, Charles Bradley began performing as a James Brown impersonator at the age of 14 and

         never made enough money to support himself. Now he's selling out venues all over the world, and that my

         friends is because he is one talented, determined man.

Here's the trailer for a documentary about him that

I had no idea existed until about two minutes ago.

       Another talent this great man has is the ability to look like he is crying quite severely both when singing

      and, apparently, when not:

Photo courtesy of THE VINYL FACTORY

      His pitch-perfect voice was matched by the power with which it is projected, and makes for a brilliantly

      relaxed set, complete with trumpets and what sounded like the world's best backing singers. My favourite of

      his songs still has to be the contagious Strictly Reserved For You, nearly four minutes of effortless cool.

This is the first track on the album. Enough said.

    Just to give you an idea of how packed-out the gig was, here are some photos that I had to get my 6ft 3"

    boyfriend to take:

I particularly like this zoom effect.

    To those going to Concorde 2, Brighton tonight, enjoy and get there early if you want to get

    anywhere near the Bradderz. To those of you in Birmingham doing nothing tomorrow night, BUY TICKETS.

love

STANLEY

whatstanleysays@gmail.com

PULLED

THIS weekend taught me many things, some of which I am still feeling the effects of:

ONE] Pulled chicken does not have to take five hours to cook: On Saturday we cooked for my parents. They've
         been going on about 'pulled chicken' for so long [and i've seen it on zero menus] that I thought perhaps

         they had made it up in a post-holiday delirium. In light of this, we decided to cook them an American-
         themed, pulled-chicken-centred dinner, completely with homemade guacamole, homemade coleslaw, 

         sweet potato fries and the biggest plate of nachos known to man:

mmm.cheese.

        Unfortunately for my blog [fortunately for our bellies] I didn't have time to take a photo of the rest of our
        beautiful creations, except for the desert, which we like to call...

...Marsh å la Mallow.

       Frankly I'm surprised there were any Reeses mini cupcakes left to even make the dessert since they left

       the supermarket like this:

       Apparently everything was tasty and we've been asked for some recipes. Successful? It always is when
                 a] you like what you're cooking,

                 b] you're cooking with someone who makes you laugh, and

                 c] the chicken takes one hour to cook instead of five.

TWO] Body Attack is INSANE: It's official. That class has d e s t r o y e d my body. From the soles of my feet

          all the way up to my shoulders, Body Attack has literally done what it says on the tin. Obviously it must
          have worked, otherwise i'd be able to walk to work without looking like i'd just smashed my coccyx bone, 

          I just clearly need to up my game a bit so my body doesn't go into shock the next time I do it. So if you're

          up before ten on a Saturday morning and you need something do do [but don't need to walk anywhere for

          the next three days] i'd definitely suggest finding your nearest Body Attack class. 

Photo courtesy of Nuffield Health

I literally did this on Saturday.

I don't know what the weather is doing this week, but i'm whipping out my sunglasses and my gloves.

love

STANLEY

whatstanleysays@gmail.com

SOFA THURSDAYS

TODAY I have learnt that:

          There is a time and a place to be thinking about sofas: We're going to have to buy one within the next two
          months, and boy are there a lot to get through. So far I have looked at sofa websites on two out of the
          three evenings we've had this week, which has resulted in a sofa-takeover in my head whenever i've had a 
          spare moment during the days. Not the most thrilling of accidental thoughts, but they're there
          nonetheless [their, there, they're]. Also, apart from the fact that they are slightly cheaper, why would
          anyone even buy a white sofa? In celebration of my recent sofa-related-thoughts, here are a selection of
          my favourite IRSs [impractical and ridiculous sofas]

         1. The Twister.

Photo courtesy of DVICE

Firstly, there's no place to lie down [the main purpose of a sofa]

and secondly, it encourages awkwardly close eye contact with someone

you may not wish to have awkwardly close eye contact with

2. The Ship

Photo courtesy of THE MOTI NETWORK

This isn't big and certainly isn't clever.

But more importantly it isn't waterproof.

3. The Calculator

Photo courtesy of SMASHING LISTS

Great for learning about maths, 

bad for stability. What if 5 falls off?

4. The Perv

Photo courtesy of FREAKING NEWS

However much I love Elmo [and I do love Elmo]

this sofa is fondling some b00bies.

I like my sofas morally sound thanks.

5. The Rope

Photo courtesy of HOMETONE

Rope - probably the least cushy material someone

could have used to make a sofa out of

without using shards of glass.

Hopefully I'll have a night off from all this sofa malarkey, doing something more useful like watching back-to-back episodes of Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA (the USA bit is very important. The UK ones are rubbish).

love

STANLEY

whatstanleysays@gmail.com

CLOTHES, BIKES AND BED SPIKES

THIS weekend/beginning of the week has taught me a number of things [aside from the fact that double gins
before dinner are a GREAT idea]:

ONE] There are nice things in Topshop, they're just very rare: Having pretty much given up on this store, I
          decided i'd have one last look as I wanted to give myself a little treat after a trying few months. I ended
          up buying something I pretty much wanted down to the T, but left with a colour I hadn't first imagined:

Here's my new Double Breasted Pea Coat

[what a name] in Camel, retailing at £95.

Perfect for the inbetween-seasons-weather we're having

at the moment

     I have therefore been convinced that popping into Topshop more during the winter may not be such a bad

     idea, as it seems the clothes they bring out during this time of year are much nicer than their other seasons.

     Better get saving!

TWO] Birmingham loves bikes: Friday, Saturday and Sunday saw the return of the annual Cycle Show held at

          the NEC Birmingham, a space where all the cyclists of the UK and their families indulge in a day [or 3 if
          you're a slow walker] of protein-bar-eating-energy-drink-sipping-bike-gawping fun. Highlights included:

This VANMOOF bike

The Bicycle Man and..

...his bikes

And the BMX competitions

with lots of [fuzzy] tricks

and £5 notes.

    All in all a good family day out if you disregard the £10 parking fee and the fact that barely anything was on

    sale even if it had a visible price tag.

THREE] Sometimes, it's just difficult to be completely awake: Like, for example, this morning, where the first
             thing I did when I stepped out of bed was this:

I walked into the bed.

Probably should have stayed there.

Enjoy your Tuesdays, there's only one a week.

love

STANLEY

whatstanleysays@gmail.com