TWERK OFF

TODAY I have woken up with a weird shoulder; it's such a weird day. And what's more, we were just encouraged to make memes at work, for work. I wonder what's going to happen next? Maybe i'll be approached in the street by a SWAT team with a briefcase full of money. In keeping with today's theme, here are some really good and really bad memes I have come across:

Bad meme. Too much writing. Love CaharlieATCFactory though, so..

good meme.

Too much time.

Would it work if i just started writing

'eyebrows' at the end of every sentence? Eyebrows.

Bad grandma.

I like the Gordon Ramsay ones because

they're probably actual quotes.

What I have learnt from this exercise is that
memes are not funny. They're trying so hard

to be funny that they've pushed funny to Mars,

before we starting prodding around on it.

Also, Elite Daily have been busy today writing THIS amongst other things. Ever wondered what a Facebook conversation between the World leaders would look like? Then go no further. Prepare for your inner immaturity to take over and to laugh like a very weird person [today is just weird].

And finally, today I learnt:

                 a] what twerking is, thanks to Morgan Freeman

                 b] just how much I can't stand Miley Cyrus

http://kootation.com/m-l-y-cyr-s-miley-cyrus.html
What a wonderful example of why not to do drugs.

                  c] and that unfortunately, I actually quite like this song:

Questionable lyrics, 'What rhymes with hug me?'.

But still.

It's going to be 24oC tomorrow, which basically means warmer than today. WONDERFUL news.

love

STANLEY

whatstanleysays@gmail.com

FROOP FROGGY LUNE

I thought today had been a tough day before I re-read the news and remembered that I don't know the meaning of the word. But since the news this week has been irreversibly distressing [and my stuffy head has been placed right into perspective]:

ONE] Here's a list of some things that make me feel happy:

Disneyworld, Florida!

I've never been a Disney film megageek, but this place

seriously makes me happy.

Brian, the Confused.com robot.

Fake frogs of all shapes and sizes.

This one happens to be 

from Milton Keynes.

UNLIMITED PIZZA.

This one just happens to be a

Disney one covered in Jalapenos

Bank Holidays PLUS AN EXTRA DAY.

(I have Tuesday off too)

Next week will be great.

Stuart Fenton.

Any song by CHIC

Old photographs of my sister (left) and me (right)...

..and big fat squidgy chip shop chips.

OH MY GOD I want some.

TWO] Claude Denbussy would be 151 years old today: An amazing fact about the man who composed Clair de

          Lune, a piece that pretty much everyone in the world knows/want to play. In memory of this great

          composer, Google  have changed their search page accordingly:

The animation lasts the entire song and is definitely worth a look.

THREE] Franz Ferdinand's Evil Eye and Snoop Dogg's Who Am I? (What's My Name?) are the same song.

             Don't believe me?

Go to 0.30 seconds.

It's uncanny. Coincidentally, Franz + Snoop Doggy Dogg = Froop FROGGY FROG.

I have some Celebrity Masterchef catching up to do so expect some programme editing-related comments soon.

Love

STANLEY

whatstanleysays@gmail.com

BAND PROFILE: NATIVE PEOPLE

A few weeks ago I happened to walk into House of Wolf on Upper Street where there happened to be some bands getting ready for soundcheck. I decided to stay and found myself rather liking the first band on -  the soon-to-be-known Native People. Here's what Reuben the singer had to say:

Where are you natives of and how did you come about that name?
We are from Folkstone in the far corner of South East Kent by the sea and the sun (sometimes). The name: I was reading Anthony Kiedis' book Scar Tissue. There was a part where he mentioned 'Natives' so I took it on board for the band name and the rest of the guys liked it. Later we found out it was already being used so we decided to add the fact that we are people, and there we have that.

What are the three best things about your hometown?
The Leas Cliff Hall which is our main music venue, the beach and my living room where we rehearse.

I would describe your sound as a mish-mash of dancy rhythm bass and hazy synth, like summer haze...but without the rain. Plus you re-create dub-step drumming with real-life physical drumming, which takes some serious precision. How would you describe your music?
I think that's fair enough enough description, but i'll add that we wanted to create dance music that you could be lost in, played by a band instead of djs.

What have been your favourite Native People gigs?
So far it has been at a private party close to Ashford. There was an incredible crowd and we played last so everyone was really ready to dance! Another great gig was supporting The Pigeon Detectives at The Quarterhouse in Folkstone. It was a 450 ticketed venue but an extra 60 people got in so it was jammed. Both of these gigs were before Luke and Hudd joined the band though so we hope to have more favourite gigs soon.

What's your 'big band goal'?
Playing at Glastonbury (of course), playing with a huge samba band would be fantastic and a personal one for myself would be to play with Friendly Fires. That band have incredibly influenced myself and the direction of the band.

One gig you'd seriously advise everyone to go to this year?
Bonobo at the O2 Academy Brixton on 23rd November.

What's your favourite pizza?
This isn't an easy question for me to answer as i'm a veggie [so was I for two years!] so something with lots of salad on top, but for the rest of them, well I guess meat. 
Interesting. Most meat-eaters agree when I say that a hot vegetarian is absolutely, undeniably the best. We will review this decision in a few weeks.

The band will be recording later this year but you can catch them this Thursday 22nd August at House of Wolf, Upper Street.

https://www.facebook.com/NativePeople

JUST...NO.

THE rain is about to descend on us like a great, big, unwanted, slobbery kiss, but I have managed to learn that:

ONE] I don't like 'literal' songs: I have been known to write some in the past [what can I say? I liked sweets a
         LOT], and even now It sometimes happens, but there is one person who is so literal he sounds like he's
         just reading the news out at me whilst he also happens to be singing:

Frank Turner

Your endearing smile will not fool me.

Take, for example, his March single Recovery.

Does he even breathe?

      Apologies for the harshness of my words. Those in glass houses etc etc. it's just that every time I hear one

      of his songs my hair turns slightly more grey than it already is, and a girl needs to preserve her looks.

TWO] My tonsils are irritating: So irritating in fact that I have decided they absolutely must be cut out. So in spirit
         of this, here is a list of other irritating things:

The Crazy Frog ringtone.

So irritating.

The 'changing of the toilet roll'.

Just change it. Irritating.

The 'Facebook boaster'.

We all know one, unfortunately, and they're

irritating.

Rain in the summer.

When i'm wearing a summer dress with no umbrella

and don't look like that.

Stop it; it's just irritating.

The L.P.Es [LOUD POPCORN EATERS].

You know who you are.

JUST STOP. It's irritating.

In other non-irritating news, it is my boyfriend's birthday today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STUART FENTON

x

Lots of love, 

STANLEY

whatstanleysays@gmail.com

BRIAN!

IT'S the first day of the working week, and not many things succeed in raising my spirits on such a day other than...well...spirits. But today isn't very alcoholic and that is due to a very special little creature. I don't watch TV but I do watch videos on the Mail Online, most of which are preceded by a confused.com advert. In these adverts we are met with BRIAN, the most well mannered, kindest robot I have ever seen [i've seen about two]. 

Who is our dad inDEED, you little cutiepie.

And if you thought BRIAN was a one-trick pony, well you'd be wrong, because he's a robot; but also because:

BRIAN is an athlete.

WINNING!

As well as a dancer. Yes, we are thrilled in bits

too BRIAN.

And if this still isn't enough to quench your BRIAN thirst, you can go HERE and create your own BRIAN as well as win a BRIAN the robot fridge magnet. I don't think i've ever written the name BRIAN so many times in my life. Probably because I don't know anyone of that name.

Love

STANLEY

whatstanleysays@gmail.com

THIS IS A POOD. A GOOD POST.

TODAY'S post is equally as short as yesterday's but slightly sweeter, mainly because:

ONE] The Cronut has taken over: Yes, in New York people can be seen queuing round the block from 6am
         until the Dominique Ansel Bakery opens at 8am. And why on earth would one do this? Well, to sample
         the 'Cronut' of course. I've given it a capital 'C' to emphasise the power it seems to hold over people
         [or the hype the bakery has managed to cultivate, allowing each customer a maximum of two Cronuts].
         These widely sought-after deserts are a mixture of the elegantly Parisian croissant and the less
         refined but equally delicious doughnut. Now I actually love both of these things, but neither the photographs
         nor the descriptions have convinced me:

Since there's a distinct lack of jam but an
abundance of cream [ugh],

shouldn't they be called éclants?

       I'd naturally love to be convinced, and if anyone would like to send me some I'd gladly give them a go. In the
       meantime, in celebration of all things melangé, here's a list of my favourite word-mashed things:

The Labradoodle. Something oh so wrong
with an incredible name.

The Liger. Like a lion, just a bit more camp.

The Spork. One of the most useful tools

man has created.

and finally, 

The Cake Pops, bringing us full-circle

back to edible things.

I have to catch a train.

But think on it.

Mashing things together is great. And so is mashed potato.

love

STANLEY

whatstanleysays@gmail.com

SHARKA LARKA

IT'S a short one today, but I have wonderfully learnt that:

ONE] This week is Shark Week: I'm not quite sure whether this is the first of its kind or whether this phenomenon
          was started at the beginning of time [when the internet was actually created], but it is happening, and
          now you know. The Discovery Channel are celebrating Shark Week with a week of shark-based
          documentaries, but more bizarrely, [and I shit you not] a shark was today found in the New York City
          subway on a Queens-bound N train. I'm not entirely sure how it found its way there, but if someone put it
          there in celebration, I don't think they quite 'get' it. And by 'it' I mean the significance of Shark Week and
          what it is trying to do [which is obviously to celebrate and make people more aware of sharks, not drown
          them with stuffy subway air].
          

This photo is from Elite Daily
who go into it better and with more

hilarious detail.

      So in celebration of Shark Week, here are a few of my favourite, famous sharks, some from my childhood,

      and some literally from Google, because I don't really know of that many sharks:

Sharky, of Sharky and George

The overly scary shark from Finding Nemo, 

scaring every child

watching to a worrying degree on a daily basis.

The street sharks from Street Sharks.

[apparently it's an American-Canadian tv series..?]

The Sharks from the Sharks Ruby team.

And the shark from Seaworld in Florida.
Obviously not as famous as..

SHAMU! Who isn't a shark, but is famous.

A bit like..

Lindsay Lohan.

Come back tomorrow to see a post equally as short and sweet.

Maybe sweeter because it'll be a Friday.

love

STANLEY

whatstanleysays@gmail.com

PETRI-FRIED

TODAY has taught me a few things, but mainly that:

ONE] googlemeat is now a real-life thing: It's not 'google meat' per se, but the research conducted in order to

         create the first petri-dish burger was funded by Google co-founder Sergey Brin and cost £215,ooo [not sure

         if that included the lettuce and tomato]. There has been a lot of interest in and debate on this, and 

         rightly so; it is the first of its kind. But why are people so surprised at this phenomenon when the first
         test-tube baby was born all the way back in July 1978? I mean, it might have something to do with the fact
         that:

           a] farmers are slightly scared they'll be put out of business, and

           b] we're effectively growing COWS in PETRI-DISHES.

         This might be the first step in making people more aware that our resources will run out if we don't change
         the ways in which we feed ourselves, but it's also a bloody expensive burger. If you want to see the
         [slightly bizarre] first bite it is HERE.

HERE's where I took this photo from, interestingly

featuring an article on GM cows and farting..

TWO] Our roads need to change: And I say this because today saw me nearly being floored by yet another
          London cyclist. I was on a pavement at the time and intended to continue along this pavement [not

          crossing] when a guy on a bike came out of a pedestrian entrance to a building, curving to the right
          at what seemed like at least 20mph straight at me. I barely had time to realise what was going on but
          thankfully he was concentrating and managed to slam on his breaks, before saying 'sorry' and zooming

          off down the rest of the pavement. It's a real big shame because people like him give cyclists a bad

          name. Apart from those crazy kids who cycle on the pavement, from what I can tell the roads in

          London are not made for cyclists, drivers and pedestrians to use all at once because:

             a] they are clearly too dangerous

             b] some drivers don't have enough patience

             c] some cyclists don't have enough patience, and

             d] the roads are clearly too dangerous!

         but we are being encouraged in every way possible to cycle instead of drive [or even walk]. Something

         clearly needs to be done, and if there were ever plans proposed to make London a cycle-only city i'd be

         very happy. Until that day however, i'll just live in the hope that everyone actually remembers the 'rules of

         the road' and try and keep my moaning to a minimum.

This is a photo of my dad.

I

cyclists. See!

Apparently I need a new umbrella.

love

STANLEY

whatstanleysays@gmail.com

FUNKY JUNKY

APART from the fact that my summer clothes still have a use, I have also learnt that:

ONE] It is completely acceptable for chimps to have ice cream for breakfast: I'm not sure how many of you have
         ever had the [dis]pleasure of being dragged to Twycross Zoo, but to give you an idea, a gorilla slamming
         itself into the glass of an enclosure as big as a box room then proceeding to poo on the glass is a normal
         thing. I'm not sure why I was then so surprised to hear that after having escaped their enclosure [naturally],
         some chimps at the zoo were lured back in with fizzy drinks and ice cream. Did I read this right? I some
         burning questions:
                  a] How do those chimps know what fizzy drinks and ice cream are?
                  b] Why is there nobody at Twycross zoo sacking the chimp nutritionist?!
                  c] Are Twycross Zoo single-handedly destroying evolution?
        I understand that they somehow had to be lured back into their enclosure, but the fact that they reacted
        the minute the junk food was in sight is a pretty bizarre and frightening thought. Either way, what
        they clearly failed to remember is that fizzy drinks and ice cream make the consumer [I can't believe I can't
        just write 'person'] hyper. So if they were energetic enough to break down their barriers before they
        escaped, I'm pretty sure they'll be able to manage it again, just much easier. Awkward.

here

I don't think i'd be surprised if they had
'Fatty Fridays' at the zoo. May as well go the whole hog and

order them pizzas.

TWO] You can go clubbing before you go to work: And I don't even mean at all-nighters. That is if you

              a] live in or around the Shoredtich area, 

              b] are into that sort of thing, or

              c] have enough energy to have a life, then use it all up 'raving' before you've even reached 9am.

         Synical I may sound, but I actually think this is a good idea! Why the hell not? I mean, I probably won't
         go because I'm the kind of person who can't go onto the dance floor and bust-a-move without the aid of

         my rum-suit [This suit is an invisible suit,[created by rum, that has a big red button on it reading:

         'CONFIDENCE BOOST. PRESS HERE']. However after watching this video on the BBC website I have
         become aware that there are a lot of people who don't need the rum suit and who can go from pillow to

         full-on-rave-mode in ten minutes. Admirable.

Picture from the BBC website

          The Morning Glory producers [that's funny] state that there will be opportunities to have massages and

          drink healthy, non-alcoholic smoothies. Like the sound of this? More details HERE. And as they say, get

          ready to 'rave your way into the day!'

THREE] Simon Cowell has managed to get an actual lady pregnant.

love

STANLEY

whatstanleysays@gmail.com